Rachel's Reasons
by IloveheartlandX
Summary: Based off the brilliant book 13 Reasons Why-Jay Asher, if you haven't read it then you should. Rachel Berry killed herself two weeks ago. But she didn't vanish without a trace. No, she left behind the gift of 13 tapes. Each one a reason why she killed herself.
1. Prologue

Rachel's Reasons

Summary: Based off the brilliant book 13 Reasons Why-Jay Asher, if you haven't read it then you should. Rachel Berry killed herself two weeks ago. But she didn't vanish without a trace. No, she left behind the gift of 13 tapes. Each one a reason why she killed herself.

Disclaimer: I don't own the book 13 Reasons Why or Glee. All rights go to Jay Asher and RIB.

A/N: I'm still writing my other 3 stories but I wanted to work on another Finchel one because it seems like ages since I've written a Finchel-centric story so I decided to write this because I really loved the book and I've read several glee fanfics based on it so I thought I'd give it a try. I want this to be your story too so if you have any ideas about reasons then leave them in the reviews. Hope you enjoy the story! This is set during Season 4 when Rachel was at NYADA but won't always be in canon from the show. When this symbol appears / it means the tape has been paused, when this symbol appears [] it means the tape has been stopped and when this symbol appears ◊ it means the tape is playing.

Chapter 1: Prologue

"Finn honey there's a box for you down here!" my mom calls from downstairs. I am confused, I barely ever get packages. "Who's it from?" I ask when I get downstairs. "Rachel Berry" she says handing the package over wordlessly. Rachel? My Rachel? That was impossible. Rachel Berry killed herself 2 weeks ago, there's no way iit can be from her.

"Finn honey are you ok?" my mom asks. I realise that I haven't said anything since she passed me the box. "Yeah I'm fine" I say. "Okay well if you want some dinner, I'm making your favourite chicken pot pie" she says. As much as chicken pot pie tempts me I can't eat right now. I have to see what's in the box from my dead ex girlfriend. I shake my head and take the box up to my room.

I open the box and out falls 13 tapes. Each one with a number on it in nail polish and one of Rachel's signature gold stars in the corner. Okay so they're definitely from Rachel but why tapes? No one has tapes any more, barely anyone even uses CD's, everything's digital. I'm not even sure if I have a tape player to play these on. "Hey Mom, do you have a tape player?" I call downstairs. "In the closet in my room honey. Why do you need a tape player?" she asks. "Oh a friend gave me some new music to try out. I guess they'd run out of CD's" I say. "Okay well the tape player's in the closet" she says.

I go into my mom's room and take out the tape player. I bring it back to my room and slide in the first tape. I press play on the cassette and begin to listen.

_Hello everyone. Bet you're surprised to hear from me. It's your old friend Rachel Berry, back from the dead. _

There's absolutely no way. Rachel killed herself two weeks ago- I remember getting the sobbing phone call from Kurt telling me all about it- him and Santana found her dead on her bed when they came back from class.

_Not literally back from the dead but I am making my final return performance. There's no going back this time, this show is a one night only thing. These tapes tell the story of my life or rather why I ended it. And if you're listening to these tapes, that means you are one of my reasons. Lucky you!_

No way! I can't possibly be one of the reasons that the love of my life is dead. I didn't do anything that would make Rachel want to kill herself. Or did I? I honestly don't know anymore.

_I'm not going to tell you when your tape is coming up until the tape before it. But don't think that your tape isn't coming because if you got this box then you are on my tapes._

So this isn't just some crazy nightmare I'm having. The girl that I thought was my future wife, really does think that I am one of the reasons why she had to kill herself. And I have no idea what I did or why it made her do what she did. I loved her and she broke my heart. I want to stop listening but I don't. These are my dead love's last words and I want to listen to every one.

_So this is what you have to do. Listen to the tapes, every single one. Don't just skip to the one that involves you because you won't know which one it is. I went to the trouble of making these tapes, the least you can do is listen._

I will Rach. I promise. No matter how much it hurts me, I want to understand why you did this. Why you ripped out my heart by taking your life. It's not going to be easy but I have to understand. I want to know what I did wrong.

_And number two, you pass the tapes on to whoever's tape is after yours. Hopefully neither of these things will be easy for you- it wasn't easy living these stories so they certainly won't be easy for you to listen to. When you've finished listening to all thirteen tapes then rewind them and put them back in the box and send them on to whoever's tape follows yours. And lucky number thirteen, you can take the tapes straight to hell. _

Was I lucky number thirteen? I sure hope not. This doesn't sound like the Rachel I knew, so bitter and hate filled. But then again I never thought she'd kill herself so maybe I didn't know her as well as I thought I did.

_In case you think you can break the rules and not listen to my story and not pass the tapes on because you don't want anyone else to know the hateful things you did to me then don't. Because there's another set of tapes. And if someone breaks the rules then they will be released to everyone in school. So for your own sake, listen and pass them on. Some of you will not want your stories to be known. You are being watched. Remember that._

This can't be right. What could I have done to Rach to make her put me on her list? This must be some kind of prank from people at school. Still if the contents of the tapes are so terrible I have to listen. Just to make sure no one else ever has to go through this pain.

_So let's get started. The first tape. Are you ready? Well it doesn't matter because I'm starting anyway. This first story belongs to someone close to me. Biologically speaking I mean. Yeah that's right Mom. This one's for you, Shelby Corcoran. _

A/N: I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Next chapter will be Shelby's. Like I said before if there's anything you want to see on these tapes or any particular person you think they should go to then leave them in the reviews (I do have a rough list but I want you guys to be involved).

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	2. Reason One: Shelby Corcoran

Disclaimer: I don't own Thirteen Reasons Why or Glee. All rights go to Jay Asher and RIB.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, followed or favourited this story so far. I'm glad you guys seem to like it.

Chapter 1: Reason One-Shelby Corcoran

_So like I said before Mom, this one goes out to you. I bet you weren't expecting to see your name on this list. After all what sort of daughter would say that her mother was one of the reasons why she killed herself? The sort whose mother was never there for her. _

_That's right, I grew up without a mother. And it hurt me. I never had anyone to talk to about girl related things. But my two dads loved me and I never felt like anything was missing. I never searched you out. You were the one who wanted to find me._

Rachel never talked about her mom after the first time she met her, and the first time she left. But I always knew that if she came over to my house in floods of tears it was to do with her mom, the woman who ripped out her heart and stomped on it.

_The only reason I even thought about coming to find you was because of Jesse. Because you made him feed me lines and make me believe that he loved me all so you could get to me. That's yet another thing I can blame you for. If it wasn't for you then Jesse St James would never have been in my life and who knows? I could still be here now._

I always warned her that Jesse St Jackass was a piece of work. But she never listened. Why didn't you listen to me Rach? If you had then I wouldn't be sitting here listening to these tapes right now.

_But that's all for a different tape. This tape is all about you Shelby and what you did to me. You wanted to meet me. But you didn't want me- you wanted the baby girl you gave up. And that just wasn't me anymore. So you rejected me. You crushed me. This was the first time I ever felt unwanted. Was I that bad, that even my own mother didn't want me?_

No Rach, you were incredible. If your mom didn't want you then that was her loss and it was her fault. Nothing to do with you at all. You made me want more. To achieve more. And your mom should have seen what an amazing person you were. I did.

_So we sang a duet and parted ways. And I thought that was it. That you were done hurting me. I could go on living my life and forget that you even existed. But I was wrong. Because then you replaced me. You adopted Beth without even a second thought as to how it would affect me. So not only was I not good enough for you, you had to replace me with a baby that wasn't even yours. Glad to know you thought so much of me Mom._

_Then you left again and I was relieved. I didn't have to go through the pain of seeing you bringing up Quinn's baby as yours. You never tried to look after me and I was your biological daughter. Once again, I thought that was it. That I would never see you again. _

And then she came back in our senior year and hurt you all over again. I know Rach, I remember. I told you that you couldn't trust her but you tried for a relationship one last time because that's the sort of person you are. Always wanting to believe the best in people.

_I saw you at school the first day of my senior year. I was shocked. I thought you were in New York but there you were. Not only in Ohio, but in my high school. And me being me, I sought you out one last time. I went to see you at your house. We talked and I actually felt like I was getting closer to you. Like you might be considering the possibility of being my mom as well as Beth's. After that night I finally felt wanted again. But of course it couldn't last._

That was the night before Shelby left. But of course it couldn't last long. Shelby broke Rachel's heart like she had so many times before.

_The next morning, I went to your office at school expecting to see you there. But you weren't. There was however a letter on your desk. It was addressed to me so I opened it. Let me give you a little reminder of that letter, mom._

_Dear Rachel_

_This is really hard to write but I feel like I have to. I'm leaving today and going back to New York. It may be hard for you to accept now but I hope that one day you will forgive me. I can't stay here and bring your hopes up about me being your mom. All those things I said 2 years ago are still true. I have no idea how to be a mother to a teenager and maybe it's better that we appreciate each other from afar. I need to focus on Beth and my career and I can't do that in Lima. If I stay then I'll be too tempted to keep contact with you and I know I'll just hurt you again. So I've decided to hurt myself and leave again. It breaks my heart to have to do this but there's no other way._

_Goodbye my darling, _

_Mom_

I can't believe Rach's mom did that. All Rach told me was that her mom left again. She never said anything about the letter. If she had then I could have helped her. But that was Rach- always wanting to do things herself. It was one of the things I loved most about her- her independent spirit.

_It broke your heart? It broke YOUR heart? What do you think it did to mine Mom? It took my already broken heart and crumbled it into little tiny pieces. That was when I stopped trying. Stopped trying to get you to love me because I knew you never would. The only person who ever truly loved me was Finn._

That's not true Rach. We all loved you. Everyone in Glee, your dads.

_I went back to see you one last time Mom. You didn't know it though. A few days before I made my decision and started making these tapes I found your New York address and came to see you. But I didn't come inside. No I just watched through your window. You were having dinner with Beth. Something you never did with me. That was when I realised it was truly pointless. You'd never love me the way you did her. Or you wouldn't have left me in the first place. So I just left and never looked back. That was the last time you ever saw me and you didn't even know I was there._

You should have told me Rach. You didn't have to resort to this. I would have helped you. Maybe you knew that and didn't tell me because you knew I would talk you out of your suicide.

_So that's it Mom. That's the end of your story. I sure hope you do better with Beth than you did with me. She's your second chance. Don't waste it. Always make sure that she knows how much you love her. You don't want everything you did to me to be for nothing._

_Remember earlier in the tape, I mentioned that one of the things I blamed my mom for was bringing Jesse St James into my life and that his story would be on a later tape. Well that tape is now. The second tape is for Jesse St James. Or Jesse St Jackass as he was sometimes fondly known._

I laugh at that bit. Jesse St Jackass was the nickname I gave Jesse. I always knew he would hurt Rachel. I wish I hadn't been right.

_So are you ready Jesse? This next one goes out to you._

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Like I said last time if there's any person or reason you particularly want me to use then leave it in the reviews. Next chapter is Jesse's.

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	3. Reason Two: Jesse St James

Disclaimer: I don't own Thirteen Reasons Why or Glee. All rights go to RIB and Glee.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, followed or favourited so far. I'm glad you guys like it so far. This is Jesse's Chapter.

Chapter 2: Reason 2-Jesse St James

I really need to get out of here. If this next tape is about Jesse then I'm going to get angry and I don't want my mom asking me why. "Mom I'm going out" I call downstairs. "Where are you going?" she asks. "To Puck's, he's back for the weekend" I say as I come down the stairs. "Don't be back too late" she says. "Actually I was going to stay the night" I say showing her the bag with the tapes in. "Okay, well see you tomorrow then" she says. "See you Mom" I say and I leave the house.

I don't know where I'm going at first but I eventually make my way to the bar. "Coke please" I say as I don't have my fake ID on me. The man brings it over and I settle into a booth. I slot the second tape into the cassette player and press play.

_So Jesse, bet you can't be surprised you're on here. After all you know what you did to me. You made me believe you loved me and then you dumped me all for a show choir championship. There would have been a time where I would have done the same thing. But I learned that there were more important things in life. You however didn't._

_When I first met you, I thought wow this is a guy that will get me. We were practically the same person. I was heartbroken over Finn's choice of popularity over me so I thought someone who was like me would be a good thing. And you were so charming that I didn't think you could possibly hurt me. I was wrong._

I could have told you Rach. I knew that guy was an ass from the moment I met him.

_We got on so well at first. We had things in common, you made me laugh and I felt wanted. But obviously that couldn't last. You wanted to have sex with me. And I didn't want to. But you couldn't take no for an answer. You beat me, Jesse. Do you remember? Do you remember seeing my face, every time you hit me. Just because I wouldn't let you have your way. I had to wear long sleeved shirts and concealer for weeks so no one would notice the scratches. The bruises. _

/

I have to pause the tape. I can't listen to this anymore without wanting to drive over to Jesse's house and punch the lights out of him. Why didn't Rach tell me? I could have kicked his ass back then and I wouldn't be listening to these tapes now.

_Still I stayed with you. Because every time you hit me, you promised that it would be the last. And I believed you. But you were lying. You did it time after time. So I decided to leave you. Only problem was that you wouldn't let me go. I told you that I didn't want to see you anymore. You didn't take it very well did you Jesse? You started to hit me again. You pushed me down the stairs of my house. I spent 6 weeks with a cast on my arm because of you. Yet you still came back, charming as ever and me being in love with you, I took you back._

No Rach! Why did you do that? You could have got out of the relationship at that point but you took him back. Surely you knew it wouldn't end there.

_Then the week we did Bad Reputation came around. I made the infamous Run Joey Run video. I know now that I shouldn't have done that. But what you did to me was way worse. I told everyone that you just ignored me after that. But that's not what happened is it Jesse? You came round my house after and you….. how did you put it? Oh yes. Punished me. You almost killed me that night, you beat me up so badly. I end that night with six cracked ribs, a dislocated shoulder and a broken heart. Yet somehow you made me believe that it was all my fault and that you were doing me some kind of favour by staying with me. _

It's settled. After I've finished listening to all of these tapes I'm paying Mr St James a little visit. And I'm going to make him pay for what he did to Rachel.

_Then you lead me to my Mom. As if you hadn't hurt me enough. You seduce me, you beat me and you lead me to the woman who abandons me. I know she told you to, but if you really loved me then you would never have done that. _

_But the worst thing of all was the way you ended things with me. You couldn't have just quietly broken up with me. Oh no, it had to be public. You got all of your Vocal Adrenaline friends to egg me. And then worst of all you egged me yourself. You knew I was a vegan. You knew it would hurt me. You didn't care. You broke that egg just like you broke my heart. First I was unwanted by my mom and then my boyfriend chose another national championship over me. _

He didn't deserve you Rach. You were way too good for an ass like Jesse.

_You couldn't just leave well enough alone though could you. You had to come back. My junior prom was supposed to be one of the best nights of my life. But you had to come and ruin it._

I don't remember Jesse doing anything to Rachel at prom. I remember punching his lights out and getting kicked out of prom but she and him seemed to be having a great time from where I was standing.

_The night didn't end when Jesse was kicked out of prom. Oh no. I went to see him after prom was over. He was sitting on the steps of McKinley. He was blind drunk and begging me to give him a second chance. I told him no, that he'd had enough chances. But he didn't listen to me. Did you Jesse? Remember the car crash? The one that meant I almost didn't get to Nationals? Guess who pushed me in front of the car? Yep that was you Jesse. I was trying to get away from you but you chased me out into the middle of the road. I saw the car and tried to save us both. You didn't care that much. You pushed me in front of the car. _

_To add insult to injury you stuck around and helped Mr Shue get us ready for Nationals. I was glad when you left. Once again I thought I'd never see you again. But I saw you one last time._

You didn't tell me about that Rach. You said you just weren't looking and that's why the car hit you.

_It was in Chicago at Nationals last year. You seemed like you were actually being human again but I knew better than to trust you. Still we talked and then I left. But you came and saw me backstage whilst Finn was practicing some choreography. You said you had made a huge mistake letting me go and that you wanted me back. After everything you had put me through, you didn't even have the courtesy to leave me alone and let me be happy. You even tried to kiss me. So I hit you. The same way you had hit me so many times before. How did it feel Jesse? Bet it felt bad. Then you told me that this was my last chance. To be with a star like you and not have to settle. You thought Finn was settling? You think too much of yourself Jesse. I said no obviously. You didn't take it well but at least you didn't hit me. No this time the pain you caused was emotional. You said "Don't blame me when your talent goes down the toilet and you end up stuck here for the rest of your life. A married 18 year old will never make it to Broadway"._

He said that? The ass told her that she was never going to get to Broadway because of me. That she would lose her talent? Why did you listen to him Rach? You were the most talented person I ever knew.

_That crushed me. You'd always said I was the most talented person you knew and I could do anything I wanted to. That one sentence hurt me more than all of the beatings and the car combined. _

_So that's it Jesse. That's why you are on these tapes. You crushed both my body and my spirit. When you fall in love again, don't make that mistake. Show her that you really do care. Otherwise she could end up just like me. _

_This next tape is for someone who once was a good friend of mine. Yes that's right this next tape is for Quinn Fabray- the Ice Queen. _

I can't believe I ever dated her, Quinn was such an evil bitch. She's nicer now but back then? Total type A bitch.

_Ready Quinn? This next one's for you. And in case you hadn't guessed by now it's not going to be nice._

A/N: Hope you liked this chapter. Like I said last time if there's any particular person or reason you want me to use then leave it in the reviews. Next chapter is Quinn's.

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	4. Reason Three: Quinn Fabray

Disclaimer: I don't own Thirteen Reasons Why or Glee. All rights go to Jay Asher and RIB.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, followed or favourited so far. I'm glad you guys like it. This is Quinn's chapter.

Chapter 3: Reason 3-Quinn Fabray

I switch out Jesse's tape for Quinn's. If this had been 3 years ago then I would not have been at all surprised that Quinn was on these tapes. But now it is a little strange. I thought Quinn and Rachel were getting closer. Still I just slot the tape into the player and begin to listen.

_Everyone thinks our rivalry started in high school but it didn't, did it Quinn? No, Quinn and I go back much further._

Wait, Quinn and Rachel knew each other before high school? I always assumed they met in Freshman year. In fact I remember Quinn introducing herself to Rachel that first day.

_In fact I met Quinn my first day of Kindergarten. She was still Lucy then. She was very shy but I just went right over and introduced myself and from then on we were very close, almost like sisters. And it stayed like that right up until middle school._

_Quinn and I went to the same middle school and I was basically the only one there who was friends with her. Do you remember that Quinn? Everyone else used to point and laugh and make fun of you because you were overweight but I didn't. Admittedly people made fun of me too because of the way I dressed but I didn't care. I even used to stand up for Quinn when people made fun of her. We were still as close as we were when we were 2 little 5 year olds._

So what happened between them then? It must have been something bad for Quinn and Rachel to pretend that they didn't even know each other before high school if they were that close in middle school.

_It was the second year of middle school when it happened. Quinn started ballet and gymnastics (both of which I did with her) and cheerleading (which I didn't) began to lose weight. She still hung out with me then though. The big change came when she dyed her hair blonde and got her nose job. She came into school that day and soon had a crowd of cheerleaders around her. I waved to her but she ignored me. I was really confused because we usually walked to class together._

_I met her after class and asked what was going on. She said "Rachel we can't be friends anymore. I'm popular now and you're well…not". I said "But Lucy we've been friends since kindergarten". She then said "It's Quinn now". She then threw a slushie in my face and stalked off with her new cheerleading friends. I meanwhile spent the rest of middle school miserable._

I'd love to say that doesn't seem like something Quinn would do but it does. She always looked out for herself more than she did for her friends. I still can't believe she did that to Rachel though. I guess that's why she pretended not to know her when they came to McKinley.

_I was hoping you would go to a different high school Quinn like Carmel but oh no, you were there on my first day at McKinley. You were with Finn and he came over to introduce himself. You looked at me with what I called your Ice Queen girl. I was going to say hi Quinn but then you spoke. "Hi I'm Quinn, who are you" you said. I was going to say that we already knew each other but I decided against it and instead said "I'm Rachel". _

That's why Quinn and Rachel seemed so icy towards each other the first day of high school. I can't believe I didn't realise that they'd already met.

_I figured I would just be able to avoid you for the entirety of high school and for freshman year it worked pretty well. You hung out with your cheerleading friends and I hung out with Kurt. Then sophomore year came and I joined Glee. Unfortunately so did you. And that started the name calling. RuPaul, Man Hands, Stubble and hundreds more. Plus countless slushies. It made me feel ugly and worthless Quinn but did you care? No._

I always tried to stop Quinn from picking on you Rach but she wouldn't listen. She said you deserved it- that the popular had to to show the unpopulars who was in charge. I didn't think that was true.

_When you became pregnant, we started to get along better again. I knew it was only because you were no longer popular but I didn't care. It was nice to be your friend again Quinn, it reminded me of the good times we once shared together. Then you gave Beth to my mother. Out of all the people Quinn. There are loads of potential adoptive parents out there and you just had to choose the one that would hurt me the most- my own mother._

I don't think Quinn meant to hurt you by giving Beth to Shelby, Rach.

_It was actually better with us after Beth was born. You didn't call me names as much, in fact it was pretty much just like freshman year. You ignored me, I ignored you. It worked well. But then Finn and I broke up and you went after him again. You knew it would hurt me but you didn't care. You wanted him and back then, what Quinn Fabray wanted she got. So I had to go through the heart wrenching pain of seeing my enemy going out with the guy that I loved. And you just loved to flaunt it to me. Everywhere you went, Finn was attached to your arm. You made damn sure that I knew that Finn was yours, even if he really wanted to be with me._

I hated that Rach. Honestly I did. Quinn was like a leech, attached to me wherever I went. I was weak and upset from our break up when I went back to her and I'm sorry about that. I know now that I should have been with you.

_Then came Prom. You blamed me for your loss as Prom Queen because you thought that people could see that Finn would rather be with me than with you._

Well it was kind of obvious. I stared at you every chance I got. When I kissed Quinn, I saw you.

_So you slapped me. And scratched me. And just when I thought you'd had enough you punched me in the stomach. I know when you tell the story you say you apologised and I accepted it but that's not really happened. That wasn't the worst thing to happen that night though so I won't chew you out about it._

She never mentioned the other stuff. Actually I'm pretty sure the version of the story I heard was the Quinn version.

_Then Nationals came along. You were bitter because Finn broke up with you and you decided to take it out on me. You put pink hair dye in my shower and my hair came out bright pink. I had to buy a brown wig for nationals but naturally you wanted everyone at school to see what you had done to my hair and every one made fun of me. I was known as "Candyfloss girl" for a month until the 28 washes were up and my hair returned to its normal colour._

I thought that Rach looked kinda cute with pink hair but I have to say I was furious with Quinn and I was relieved when her hair went back to normal.

_Senior Year we actually became friends. Friends like we were that first year of middle school. We gave each other advice and you were as good of a friend as Kurt was. You were even the first person I told about Finn's marriage proposal. But it all went downhill after there._

I remember this. Our wedding day. Man were we fuming at Quinn that day. If we'd actually got married that day, who knows? You could have been here now Rach.

_It was supposed to be the happiest day of my life and I allowed you to come because you were one of my best friends. But you couldn't just let me be happy. Oh no. It was bad enough that my dads didn't support my wedding but the fact that you didn't crushed me. Still you came but I wish you hadn't. Because when the minister asked if anyone objected, guess who stood up? That's right, Quinn. It was you. He refused to carry on and I was unable to marry the love of my life._

I no longer talk to Quinn just because of that one incident. She ruined my wedding day and if she hadn't then I wouldn't have let Rachel go to New York without me and she would still be here.

_I confronted you outside the courthouse after the wedding. You said you didn't want me making the biggest mistake of my life. I was furious at you. You offered me a lift home and Finn told me to go as he thought you and I needed to talk things through. I hadn't noticed it before but you were kind of drunk. I said I should drive but you said no. That this was your way of apologising to me. We were arguing about it when the truck hit the car._

I was even more angry at Quinn after that. Admittedly she was in a chair so that made it difficult to be too mad but first she ruins my wedding and then almost kills my fiancé. Not cool.

_You ended up in a wheelchair. Me, I was unconscious for 3 days and had a broken leg. I felt really bad about it. But you? You didn't. Even though you caused the accident. I didn't talk to you after that. It went back to how it was freshman year. I ignored you, you ignored me._

That was what came to be known as the "Frosty Period". Quinn and Rachel barely spoke to each other and when they did it was to trade insults.

_Then once again you go after my boyfriend and get him to campaign with you. I know it was nothing really but it still hurt. You could have campaigned with any one of the jocks at school, you didn't have to choose Finn. But then you falsified the votes for prom queen so I could win with Finn. Thank you for that, I really needed it. I know I have put you down a lot on this tape Quinn but that was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me._

I have to admit what Quinn did for Rach that day was one of the nicest things anyone ever did for her at high school.

_So we went off to college good friends. But after the one time you came to stop me from making the mistake of doing a topless scene- thank you for that by the way._

Yeah I called Quinn and thanked her for that too Rach. Even though we were broken up I didn't want your boobs displayed for everyone to see on a film. I was still in love with you after all.

_But then you stopped visiting and calling after that. I called you to see what had happened. You said "I'm really busy with school and my new friends. I don't have time for you Rach". I was busy too but I was willing to make time to come and see you. I said as much. "Yeah but no offence Rach, I want to spend time with my new friends. We're in college now. We need to leave high school behind" she said. "And that includes your high school friends does it?" I asked. "Yeah. It does. I'm in a new phase in my life. I don't need to be dragged back into the past" you said. And that was it. You hung up and I never heard from you again. Even at Mr Shue's wedding we didn't speak._

So that's what happened between them. I wondered why Rach refused to talk to her at the wedding.

_So that's why you're on here Quinn. You gave up on our friendship so many times, for popularity, for Finn and for your new college friends. One nice gesture at prom doesn't erase years of pain. You didn't have to give up on us just because we went off to college. So with your other friends, don't give up on them. You'd be surprised how good friendships can be if you let them last. _

_The next tape is for a close friend. Santana Lopez this one's yours._

_[]_

Santana? But she and Rachel got really close this year. They even lived together. She must have done something though. I guess we all did something. Even me. The guy she was in love with.

A/N: I know that was a lot longer than the last two but I figured Quinn and Rachel have had such a rocky relationship that she would have more to say. Next chapter is Santana's.

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	5. Reason Four: Santana Lopez

Disclaimer: I don't own Thirteen Reasons Why or Glee. All rights go to Jay Asher and RIB.

A/N: Once again, thanks to everyone who has followed, reviewed and favourited so far. This is Santana's chapter.

Chapter 4: Reason Four-Santana Lopez

A hand taps me on the shoulder. "I'm sorry but we're closing now" he says. "No problem" I say taking out the money to pay for my drinks. "Don't worry about that" the bartender says. "Oh it's no problem, I can afford it" I say. "I'm sure you can but you look like you're going through something. The least I can do is sub you for your drinks" he says. "Well thanks" I say, picking up the tape player and walking out.

I'm not really sure where to go after I leave the bar so I simply get in my car. I find myself at the town gazebo. Rach and I used to come here all the time and hang out. It seems just as good a place as any to listen to the rest of the tapes. I slide the next one in and begin to listen.

_I met Santana on my first day of middle school. The first thing she said to me was "Wow Hobbit, that's one large nose. You could probably cover the whole of Ohio with that one". I ran off crying and you…. well you just smirked. I thought we could just leave it at that. I hated you and you hated me. But clearly you had a different idea._

What did she do to you Rach? Man I thought I knew Rachel so well but these tapes are showing me that there were parts of her past that I knew nothing about. I guess it's because I went to a different middle school.

_You found new ways to make my life a living hell all the way through middle school. First there were the names. They were bad enough- midget, hobbit and dwarf to name a few. But it didn't end there. You used to wait for me on the corner outside school and would beat me up for my lunch money. You made up rumours about me- I could choose any one of them to tell on here but I've decided on just one. The one that hurt the most. You told everyone that I made out with Quinn's boyfriend at the time. None of the girls in school wanted to talk to me because they thought that I was a boyfriend stealer. And Quinn, she didn't talk to me for a month until I proved it was a lie._

Man I knew Santana was mean to Rachel but I didn't think she was that bad.

_For a while everything went back to normal. You still tortured me a little but Quinn started talking to me again so I wasn't lonely anymore. Then you pulled your prank. The prank that got me known as Naked Smurf for the entirety of middle school. You attached a blue pot of paint and a tripwire to the door of the girls bathroom when you saw me coming in. The blue paint tipped and I was covered in it. _

_But that's not even the worst part. My next class, the teacher sent me to go have a shower. Little did I know you were following me. That paint? It was insanely hard to get off. I heard you grabbing my clothes outside so I ran out after you. Unfortunately the end of period bell had just rung and everyone was coming out from their classes. So they saw me, naked and covered in blue paint chasing after you and my clothes. You then proceeded to throw them up a tree. I climbed up and got them but lost my balance and fell right into a pile of mud. Naturally everyone had their camera phones out and filmed the whole thing. So not only was I known as naked smurf for 3 years, millions of people saw the video on youtube. It was so humiliating._

Rachel was the naked smurf? Everyone at our middle school saw that video. I never even realised it was her.

_And to top it all, that video got hundreds of insulting comments. Guess who they were all from? Yup, it was you Santana. First you humiliate me, then you knock me down further by posting abusive comments. After that you just ignored me for a while. I was glad about that._

Man I wanted to kill Santana then. Poor Rach, she didn't deserve that.

_Then when Quinn stopped being friends with me you were right there to take my place. First you steal my clothes, then you steal my best friend. Real classy Santana. _

They deserved each other Rach. They're both bitches. You, you were too good for them.

_Once you had Quinn, you guys just ignored me. It makes me think that maybe she was what you wanted all along. You knew how much it would hurt me to see my best friend with my worst enemy so you made my life a living hell so I would hate you and then when she was "cool" enough to be friends with you, you stole Quinn. Congrats Santana, you got what you wanted. _

_Just like with Quinn, it seemed I couldn't escape my past with you either. You were at McKinley as well. You made sure everybody there knew about the smurf video so before I even had a chance to make new friends, people were teasing me. High school was supposed to be my fresh start but you couldn't even allow me to have that. But that wasn't even the worst thing you did. You know what the worst thing you did was._

So do I. I regret that night with Santana so much Rach. I really wish that I could turn back time and make sure that night never happened. Heck if I'm wishing for things, I wish I could have stopped you from killing yourself.

_No, I can forgive you for telling people at McKinley about the video. If it hadn't been that, it would have been something else. If you weren't a cheerleader or a jock then there was always something you could be teased for. I can't forgive you for Finn though. You knew I liked him. It was pretty obvious after all. And yet you and Brittany went after Finn. At least Brittany stopped at that one date though. You had to take it further. You slept with the guy I was in love with. _

_Then you had to flaunt it. When you told me you slept with him it crushed me. If you had never told me, then I wouldn't have kissed Puck and Finn and I wouldn't have broken up for the first time. So basically you were responsible for the break up. _

I'm sorry I never told you about it Rach. I should have, it shouldn't have come from her.

_You also took my solo for sectionals. I know it sounds petty but those solos were among the only things that made me feel good about myself. Not having the solo made me feel like I was worthless._

You were never worthless Rach. You were always worth a lot. To me at least.

_You couldn't take it when we told you that your comments towards us were unacceptable. That's the thing Santana. As I said before you can dish it out, but you can't take it. So you gave Finn mono so he would give it to Quinn. That way you knew I would find out about their relationship and you got to hurt me. Again._

I should have told you Rach. But I was embarrassed. I was still so in love with you that I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want to break your heart again.

_After your performance with Brittany in Junior Year, I knew you had feelings for her. I confronted you afterward. "You're in love with her aren't you?" I said. "Now you listen and you listen good. I'm not in love with Brittany. I'm just a good actress". Then you threatened me with one of your razor blades (she really does keep them in her hair everyone. It's not an act). It wasn't like I was going to tell anyone- I'm not that type. _

She really wasn't. You could tell Rach anything and she'd never tell anyone else.

_Then you put me down when I was feeling insecure about my nose. You had no right to do that Santana-you have boob implants after all. You also blamed me and Finn for our loss at Nationals. Never miss a chance to put me down do you Santana?_

I hated it when she said that about your nose Rach. It was one of things that made you who you were.

_End of Senior Year though things got better. We sang our Whitney duet and you actually seemed human for once. And then you and Quinn rigged the votes so I could win Prom Queen. Thank you for that Santana. It made me realise that you were actually a good person. Then after a while you moved in with me and Kurt. While I found you a pain at first, you actually turned into a really good friend and helped me when I found out I was pregnant._

Rachel was pregnant? Oh my gosh was she pregnant when she died? That could have been my baby. If she killed our kid then I'll never be able to forgive her. I guess I'll find out.

_There is another story I have involving you Santana that caused me to commit suicide but that will be told on the next tape as your actions were caused by someone else. _

_My main reason for putting you on these tapes is something that happened a few weeks before I died. The truth is you were never supposed to be on these tapes. You were one of my best friends in the weeks before I died. That's why I confided in you about my decision._

Rachel told Santana she was going to do this? And she didn't stop her? I can't believe this. Looks like I have another person to visit when I'm finished with these tapes.

"_Santana?" I asked one day when we were chilling on the couch. "What is it Berry?" she asked me. "I'm a little depressed right now" I said. "What Brody did to you was awful. I'm not surprised" you said. "I'm considering suicide" I said. "YOU'RE WHAT?" you exclaimed. "Considering killing myself. I have nothing left to live for" I said. "Oh well if that's the case then just do it. Don't bother thinking about how selfish you are. Or how many people don't want you to do it" you yelled. "Do you not want me to?" I asked. "I don't care what you do Berry. If you're so selfish as to think you have nothing to live for then I'll be selfish and say I don't care" you said. "Ok. I got all I needed" I said._

_That was what put you on the list. Not what you did in middle school or high school. That. _

Couldn't you tell she wanted you to say you didn't want her to do it San? That was why she was asking. She wasn't telling you she was definitely going to do it. You could have stopped her. But you didn't.

_I was looking to you for a reason to live. But you said you didn't care. My best friend said she didn't care whether I lived or died. And that's why I made this tape for you. I really wish I hadn't had to. So Santana, my advice to you is this. Tell people what you really feel. Don't hide it in anger because you're too afraid. You could actually make a huge difference in someone's life if you do that._

_Like I said before there is another story involving you that would be on the tapes. And it's on the next one. This next tape is for someone very close to you Santana. That's right Brittany, this next one's for you._

_[]_

It seems like everyone in New Directions did something or another to Rachel. I wonder when my tape's coming up. What did I do Rach?. What did I do?

A/N: The next chapter will be Brittany's. I'm glad you guys seem to like this so far, keep the reviews, follows and favourites coming.

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	6. Reason Five: Brittany Pierce

Disclaimer: I don't own Thirteen Reasons Why or Glee. All rights go to Jay Asher and RIB.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has followed, reviewed and favourited, I'm glad so many people seem to like this. This is Brittany's chapter.

Chapter 5: Reason Five-Brittany Pierce

I can't believe there was so much I didn't know about Rachel. I thought I knew more about her than anyone else but I had no idea about everything she went through in middle school. I wish I'd asked the right questions when I had the chance, then I wouldn't be listening to these tapes right now. Still, on with the next one. What could sweet, innocent Brittany possibly have done to make her one of Rachel's reasons?

_I know what you're all wondering. What could a girl as sweet and innocent as Brittany done to make me want to kill myself? And you'd be right in thinking that. At first, I thought Brittany was very, very nice. In fact when we first met Brittany and I were friends._

Brittany and Rachel? Friends? No way. They never even had a proper conversation unless Brittany was insulting her. I suppose it's a little more believable than Quinn and Rachel being friends when they were younger though.

_Me, Quinn and Brittany were like the three amigos in kindergarten. In fact Brittany and Santana didn't become friends until middle school. As you can imagine though, it didn't last. When Quinn stopped being friends with me, so did you. So you can imagine my surprise when after a month of not speaking to me, you called me up out of the blue. To invite me to a party of all things. I was surprised but I couldn't afford not to pass up an opportunity to have you as my friend again so I went._

Bad idea Rach. She was just using you.

_It was just you, Santana and a couple of other cheerleaders from school. You said you had invited some other guys from a different middle school and that we were going to play seven minutes in heaven. You told me that I should have the first turn and so I went into the closet. I didn't realise at the time but you had locked the door. Locked the door and walked away. It was so humiliating. No one opened that closet door until the next afternoon. I was stuck in there all night. Plus you told everyone at school about it and I was made a mockery of again. That along with everything else made my middle school experience a living hell._

I'm sorry Rach. That was an awful thing she did to you. I didn't realise that Brittany could be that mean.

_We didn't talk again until high school. Even then you would only talk to me in school if it was to insult me. But we hung out together all the time after school. You made me promise that I wouldn't tell people I hung out with you- you were too embarrassed that you were friends with me, an unpopular girl. How do you think that made me feel Britt? You could be friends with me but only if no one knew. Like I was a disease that you didn't mind having but couldn't tell people about. Still, I agreed to it and we actually became as close as we were in Kindergarten once again._

I never knew that. But then I guess that was the point of Brittany being friends with Rachel outside school. So no one would know.

_Once we were friends again, at least outside school I thought the bullying would stop. But it didn't. You defaced my photo in the yearbook even though you knew how much it would hurt. And guess what everyone? Brittany throwing up on me during our alcohol awareness week? Not spontaneous. The cheerios had planned it out that the alcohol would be brought and that Brittany would stand next to me so that if she threw up, it would land on me. Thanks Britt, that was really nice of you._

That was planned? It really did seem like it was a spontaneous thing. I'm sorry Rach, you didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve any of the terrible things that happened to you.

_You also went on that date with Finn. You knew I liked him because I'd told you but you went after him anyway. Even though you were supposed to be my friend. How could you? _

It was my fault too Rach. I shouldn't have gone. I should have come to you and told you how much I loved you instead of going out with them.

_When I wanted to relaunch myself at McKinley, you made it all about you. It was supposed to be my time, my second chance. And yet you couldn't let it be about me. I really needed that but you couldn't let me have it. _

She's a cheerleader Rach. She can never let anyone else have anything. It's part of the whole popularity thing. You were always way better than they were. You were too good for her.

_Remember on the last tape, I said Brittany was the cause of something that made Santana do something really terrible to me? Well here it is. This is how I knew that Santana was a lesbian. Brittany and I were hanging out at the park one day and she kissed me. _

I remember this now. In our sophomore year there was a rumour that Rachel and Brittany had hooked up and that Rach was gay. I told everyone it wasn't true but everyone preferred Brittany's version of the story to mine.

_That's it though. We just kissed. Nothing else happened. I was really embarrassed so I ran off. I didn't answer your calls or speak to you after that. But you couldn't just leave me alone. You spread a rumour around school. A rumour that almost ruined my life. You said that we had slept together and that I was gay. How could you do that? You knew how gay kids at McKinley were treated. Even though I wasn't people still treated me like I was._

But where does Santana come into this Rach? This sounds like it was all Brittany.

_One person however was not happy about the rumours. Yup, you've got it. Santana. I was in the car park at school one day and you rolled down your car window and told me to stop. You yelled "No one macks on my girl and gets away with it". Then you backed your car straight into me. I was so shocked I couldn't move. And your car hit me. Then you jumped out of the car and beat me up until I was almost dead. This was about a month before Sectionals. I was lucky to even make it there. I was unconscious for two weeks. That rumour ruined my life. I was left for dead and couldn't walk for months because of it. _

_And that incident caused me to start doing something else that I'm not proud of. Yes, I started cutting myself._

Rach self-harmed? How could I not have noticed that? I was closer to her than pretty much anyone else. But I didn't see. How could I not have seen?

_It started out as barely anything but it was like an addiction. I couldn't stop it. I really truly wanted to but I couldn't. And Brittany knew I was doing it as well. She saw the scars. But she didn't try to help. Once she had her kiss, she didn't even try to pretend she cared about me. So there we have it. Brittany is not as nice as she makes out. Or at least she wasn't to me. And I know it was Santana's fault that I started cutting but Brittany could have stopped me. And she didn't. Because she just didn't care about me anymore. I was a nobody. _

_So Brittany I am leaving this advice to you. Your words hurt people more than you realise. I know that rumour just seemed like fun and games to you but it wasn't to me. Rumours can hurt more than just the people they are about- your rumour hurt Santana too. So next time you make up a rumour, think before you do. Because you never know, you may just be ruining someone's life. It did for me. Also if you ever see anyone else who has self harmed, then help them. Maybe then you can actually live up to your sweet reputation._

_This next tape is for another guy. We briefly dated. Noah Puckerman, this next one is for you. _

_[]_

Puck? I thought he and Rachel were close? What could he have done? It can't be any worse than Brittany's. Mind you I keep thinking that and it just keeps getting worse. I wish mine would just come up already. This waiting is killing me.

A/N: The next chapter will be Puck's. The reviews are really inspiring me to write so keep them coming.

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	7. Reason Six: Noah Puckerman

Disclaimer: I don't own Thirteen Reasons Why or Glee. All rights go to Jay Asher and RIB.

A/N: Thanks once again to everyone who has reviewed, followed or favourited. I am going to put the reactions of the other characters to the tapes in but in the epilogue- they will definitely be there though, Madisynn. This is Puck's chapter.

Chapter 6: Reason Six-Noah Puckerman

I wonder what Puck ever did to Rach. Puck was always really protective of her. And it can't have been something he did to her in middle school because Puck went to the same middle school as me. Oh well I'll find out soon enough. I decide to leave the gazebo and go to another one of Rachel and my favourite haunts. Kibby Corners Park. It is a bit of a kiddy park but it was one of Rach's favourite places. She loved the swings, said they made her feel like she could touch the stars. I can't think of any place better to listen to her tapes- her last words.

_Noah and I grew up together. He went to the same synagogue as me and my family. And when we were younger, he was always doing things for me. His idea for payment of each favour was a kiss. I always turned him down. But we were close. Until one day when were 11 years old. You came to walk me home from middle school as you had every day since I started. But today there was something different. Or rather someone. Yes that's right, it's Santana again. _

It seems like Santana is somehow involved in everything. She was such a bitch to Rachel in middle school that I can't believe they actually ended up being friends.

_I waved at Noah and called "Hello" to him but he walked straight past me, ignoring me and went to talk to Santana. Naturally I wasn't having that._

I laugh at that. Rach was never one to be ignored. She always wanted to be the centre of attention. But she was so amazing that ignoring her was basically impossible. Especially for me.

_I marched over to them and said "What the hell Noah? You're supposed to be picking me up from school, not flirting with her" in an angry voice. "Make your own way back Rach. The puckasauraus has some work to do here" you said and to prove your point you kissed Santana. I tried to talk to you but you were too busy with Santana. You were one of my best friends but just like Quinn and Brittany you chose Santana over me. It seemed like back then I was always losing. To the same girl._

You were always my first choice Rach. Puck was an ass in middle school. Heck, I was an ass in middle school. I'm glad I didn't meet you then, you wouldn't have liked me. Me and Rach do have this in common- she was always losing to Santana and me? Well I was always losing to Puck.

_We'd been friends for 11 years. But you chose to let that go and replace me with a pretty, popular girl. What made it worse was that you didn't talk to me at all after that. I don't know if it was your decision or if Santana wouldn't let you but you ignored me. It hurt that a guy who I'd considered as sort of a brother chose someone else over me. But that's what you did. We didn't talk again until high school._

I can't believe Puck did that. He always made it sound as if he and Rachel were so close right up until high school. But then again, Quinn was close to Rachel and she pretended she didn't even know her when they came to McKinley. So I guess it's not totally unbelievable.

_In fact for the most part of my freshman year, you either ignored me, insulted me or slushied me. But then one day you came up to me and asked me to go to a house party with you. It was Santana's big end of semester party. I didn't want to go but you insisted. "Come on Rach, it'll be fun" you said. So against my better judgement I said yes. _

This is a train wreck waiting to happen. Puck only invites girls to parties with the intention of getting them wasted and having sex with them. Oh Rach, I hope that's not what he did to you.

_The night of the party came around and you picked me up at my house. You were nice to me and to my dads and it reminded me why I was friends with you when we were younger. When we got to the party you hung out with me pretty much all night. We were talking and it was just like old times. Except you never let my cup get empty. You were always making sure it was full._

He drugged her didn't he? I can't believe Puck would do that. I know he likes to sleep with girls but I never thought he'd stoop as low as to drug one. Especially not a girl like Rachel. I'll kill him, if he hurt her.

_I woke up the next day half dressed in one of Santana's spare rooms. I felt like hell but it couldn't have been from the drinks. I'd had a few but nowhere near enough for me to feel like this. Which meant that Noah had put something in my drink. So naturally I confronted him about it. "Noah did you put something in my drink?" I asked you as soon as you appeared downstairs. Everyone else was still in bed. "I wanted you to loosen up a little" he admits. "What did you put in there?" I yelled at you. "Rohypnol" you said. I grabbed your coffee mug and threw it in your face before slamming the door and walking all the way home. It was 10 blocks but I didn't care. I was fuming and there was no way that I was going to spend 20 minutes in the car with you. _

So that was why Puck had huge burns on his face when he came to school the day after Santana's party. He deserved it. I guess Jesse's not the only one I'll be paying a visit to after these tapes are over.

_But that wasn't even the worst part._

Are you kidding Rach? What could be worse than Puck drugging you and taking advantage of you?

_No, you did something far worse than just putting a drug in my drink._

Did he rape you? Please god Rach, tell me he didn't rape you.

_You took pictures of me that night. You did grudgingly admit that even in my inebriated state, we did not sleep together. However the compromising half naked pictures you took of me makes it seem like we did._

That bastard! Not only did he drug her but he took pictures of it. Well he definitely deserved the coffee in his face. I would never have done something like that to you. So why am I on here Rach?

_Then Santana and Quinn got wind of the pictures. You could have not given them the pictures and let me maintain my dignity but no. You gave the pictures to them. And they put them up on the internet. That was one of the most humiliating nights of my life- well actually I can't remember much of it but those pictures definitely were humiliating._

_And even worse than the pictures was the reputation that came with them. I was known as one of the sluts of McKinley for the entirety of my freshman year. Every single boy in our year thought I was easy. _

_I'd love to say that's where your little tale ends Noah, but there's one last story involving you that lead me to commit suicide._

What is it? Whatever it is Rach, it can't be worse than the pictures. I'm sure whatever it was you didn't deserve it. You didn't deserve any of it.

_My breakup with you Noah was seen to be amicable and just because I was in love with Finn and you were in love with Quinn. But there's actually a little more to it than that._

What more could there be Rach? What did he do?

_We actually broke up for a different reason. You cheated on me. With Quinn. I was your second choice. You were mine too but at least I didn't run off to Finn and cheat on you. It hurt me Noah. I had forgiven you for the photos but you had just thrown away my trust again. Admittedly we did become friends again eventually but I still couldn't trust you as much as I did when were younger. You took my trust and you threw it in the gutter. And that Puck is why you are on these tapes. You were supposed to be a friend and you broke my trust. _

Quinn cheated on me? Again? Why did I ever take her back? It was always you Rach. She was just a temporary distraction from my real love. You.

_So for you Noah I leave this advice. Don't treat girls like objects. Like things that you can just abandon for 4 years and then come back to and treat like crap. If you do that, then you might actually find a girl who wants to be with you for longer than a week. Like Quinn. She loves you but you refuse to admit it. If you actually do for once then you might find she'll accept you. Just don't treat her the way you did me. Or you won't have a chance in hell of making it work. _

_This next tape is for someone who was a good friend of mine. Mercedes Jones, this next tape is yours._

_[]_

Mercedes? Rachel and Mercedes were best friends. And yet she's on the tapes. She shouldn't be on here. And yet she is. How did she hurt you Rach? Is mine worse? The only way to know is to listen to the tapes. I wish I could stop now, this is torturing me but I can't. I have to know what I did.

A/N: The next chapter will be Mercedes' chapter. I'm glad you guys seem to be enjoying this.

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	8. Reason Seven: Mercedes Jones

Disclaimer: I don't own Thirteen Reasons Why or Glee. All rights go to Jay Asher and RIB.

A/N: I am writing the rest of this story in memory of Cory Monteith- Glee truly will not be the same without him and I hope to keep writing Finchel fanfics so that the character of Finn and the wonderful job Cory did portraying him can be kept alive. This is Mercedes' chapter.

Chapter 7: Reason Seven-Mercedes Jones

I'm not sure if I can do this anymore. Each tape just gets worse and worse. I thought I knew Rach but now I realise that I really didn't know her at all. It's like she had a whole different life that I wasn't a part of. But I have to know. I have to know why she felt she didn't have any other option than this. I slide Mercedes tape into the player and begin to listen.

_Mercedes and I actually didn't know each other until the summer before freshman year. She had just moved to Lima into the house next to mine. Most of my friends from middle school except Kurt weren't friends with me anymore for various reasons- most of which I have already explained on these tapes. So Mercedes moving next door to me was the luckiest thing in the world. Or so I thought. _

_I went over to see Mercedes to introduce myself the first day she moved in. "Hi, I'm Rachel Berry" I said to her. Do you know what she said back to me? "I know who you are. You're the girl who thinks she's so much better than everyone else. Well you're not better than me" she said and slammed the door in my face. Somehow her being rude to me kind of made me want to be friends with her even more. _

This can't be what Mercedes is on the tapes for though. It's got to be something worse than just slamming the door in Rachel's face when they first met.

_Apparently my reputation had preceded me. Mercedes didn't talk to me for the entirety of my freshman year and when Glee started she became even worse because I got more solos that she did. But through it all we actually became friends particularly when you got the solo at Sectionals- I really wish I'd been able to hear you sing it Mercedes because it was sensational._

_The main reason you are on this tape Mercedes came in Junior year. You knew I was writing songs and you wanted to see some of my work. It seemed pretty harmless so I did show you some of my work. You were pretty interested in one particular song of mine and you asked me to tell you what it was about. I said that it was about not being able to get your relationship right no matter how many times you tried. I didn't mention that the song was for Finn. _

That song was hers? The one Mercedes performed at Regionals it was hers. Somehow I did think that song would sound better with Rach performing it but I never realised that she was the one who wrote it. I'm so sorry that she stole it Rach. For what it's worth I thought the song was beautiful. I think it's even more beautiful now I know that you wrote it for me.

_You said you had written an original song in Glee and I was surprised because you'd never told me that you wrote songs in all the time that we were hanging out. However I knew when I heard you sing it that it was my song. The one I showed you. I was fuming. This was my song to express my pain over my break up. And you took it. When Mr Shue asked you what you were thinking when you wrote the song, you repeated my explanation. You didn't just steal my song, you stole my feelings as well. Then I had to sing backup for you at Regionals while you performed my stolen song and watched as everyone clapped and cheered for you, when it should have been me. We won because of my song and no one knew I wrote it. They thought it was yours. Song writing was the only thing that brought me through the pain. And you took that from me. I confronted you afterwards. "That was my song and you took it. That was meant to be my solo" I said to you. Do you remember what you said Mercedes? "Well it was about time someone else got one. You have them all. So I took one from you. So what? It was my turn" is what you said. I ran off crying. _

She should never have done that Rach. Someone who was really your friend would never have taken one of your songs just so she could have a solo.

_That was basically the end of our true friendship. After that we were friends for convenience as neither of us wanted to relinquish our friendship with Kurt. I couldn't trust you after you stole my song and you resented me for having so many solos. I gave up the end spot of Night of Neglect for you but you weren't really that grateful. You just said that it was meant to be for you anyway. And when I suggested going to prom together you scoffed. You only came with me because Sam came not because we were really friends._

_Then came the famous Maria off. That's when I really realised that it wasn't worth being friends with you anymore. You couldn't bear to share the spotlight for even a second. I would have done it as well but you just couldn't. You let your ego get in the way of our friendship and so I had to stop being friends with you. Even though I didn't want to._

_Your words that day hurt me Mercedes. They hurt me so much that when I got home, I did what I always did when I was hurting._

No, no. Mercedes didn't cause her to cut again did she? I can't believe this. Mercedes was supposed to be one of Rachel's best friends and like all her other friends she hurt her. Were me and Kurt the only ones who actually loved Rachel? I loved her and yet I'm still on her. Whatever I did Rach, it can't be as bad as this.

_I cut myself. Only this time, I didn't stop at a few shallow cuts. I dug harder and deeper than ever before. I lost so much blood that I had to go to hospital and have a transfusion. Because of Mercedes' harsh words, I almost died that day. I wasn't even meaning to. Your words scarred me deeper than any cut Mercedes. _

_That's not even the worst part though. Like Brittany, you saw that I was cutting. You saw the scars. I had accidently forgotten to roll my sleeves down and you saw them. But you didn't say a word. You just walked past and ignored me. Ignored what I was doing to myself._

I wouldn't have ignored it Rach. But you didn't let me see. I could have, would have, should have helped you. But you didn't let me. If you had then things wouldn't have turned out this way. We would have been together. We could have even got married. But you didn't give us a chance at a future. Why? What was it that I did, that was so bad, that you couldn't give life another chance Rach?

_So Mercedes I want to tell you this. Being a star isn't the most important thing in the world. Certainly not more important than having friends. So don't think that you have to do anything and everything to get to the top. You didn't need my song to make you talented Mercedes. You are talented. And you will be a star one day. But it's not more important than helping and looking out for your friends. Don't ignore your friends when they are in trouble. Despite everything that happened you have a good heart Mercedes. Use it. _

_This next tape is for another friend of mine. Tina Cohen-Chang, this tape is for you._

_[]_

Tina? She and Rachel were good friends as well. How many of our friends are you going to tear apart here Rach? All of them? Even me. She can't have done something worse than Mercedes. I should stop having expectations of these tapes because whatever I think it's always the exact opposite. I know at least one thing for sure- no matter what Rach says I did to cause her to do this, I will always love her. She will always be my star.

A/N: The next chapter will be Tina's chapter. I hope you guys continue to enjoy this because it really helps me to write, reading all the good things you put in your reviews.

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	9. Reason Eight: Tina Cohen-Chang

Disclaimer: I don't own Thirteen Reasons Why or Glee. All rights go to Jay Asher and RIB.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, followed and favourited so far. It means a lot to me that you guys like this story because it's one of my personal favourites. This is Tina's chapter.

Chapter 8: Reason Eight-Tina Cohen-Chang

I get up from the swing and start walking around town again. I don't want to stay in one place too long otherwise I'll break down and I won't be able to finish listening to the tapes. After a while I find myself in the parking lot at breadstix. The restaurant itself is closed but that's okay. What I'm actually looking for is the bench outside. Me and Rach used to come after school and sit on this bench to hang out and do homework together. We also made out on this bench a lot and on our first date we came out and sat on this bench and looked at the stars. So it's here that I'll listen to Tina's tape, a place that meant so much to me and Rach. I slide the tape in and press play.

_I met Tina when I was in Kindergarten. But I was friends with Quinn then and Tina had her own set of friends so we didn't actually become friends until elementary school. Even then we didn't hang out much. I thought we would because you had a similar quirky fashion sense as me but we didn't. Until one day you just came up to me and asked to be friends. I was impressed by your confidence so I thought why not? So we were. Admittedly we weren't as close as me and Quinn were but we were at least friends._

So what happened then? How could they have gone to being such close friends, to Tina being on Rachel's suicide tapes?

_As in most of my life, the turning point for our relationship came in middle school. It was after Santana spread that rumour about me. That I kissed Quinn's boyfriend. You were dating another boy in middle school at the time. You told me "I can't be friends with a slut like you Rachel. Stay away from me and from Tom". You stalked off and you never talked to me again. You didn't even ask me if it was true. You just assumed it was and then decided not to me again for the rest of middle school._

She wasn't really your friend then Rachel. She couldn't have been if she believed that vicious rumour which was so obviously a lie. You were never one for kissing other people's boyfriends. I remember once you said the only person you ever wanted to kiss was me. I smiled so much that day- it was one of the best days of my life.

_Then when we went to high school we just didn't talk. I wanted to but you didn't. You weren't outwardly mean but you didn't try to be friends either. However the worst thing you did came in our Junior Year. I was seriously considering suicide then due to the events on these tapes. We all had to take a Peer Communications class back then. I actually liked Peer Communications, it was the one class that I felt good about. But Tina changed all of that, didn't you Tina?_

What did she do? I don't remember Tina ever doing anything bad to Rachel in Peer Communications. But then again, I never really listened much in Peer Communications. Puck and I called it "Free Period" because it basically required no work. Now I wish I had because if I had then someone could have stopped Tina doing whatever it was she did. And Rachel might still be around.

_Miss Pillsbury took us for Peer Communications. She hung paper bags on a rack at the back of the classroom so that we could say nice things to each other without feeling embarrassed. But you didn't do that did you Tina? No the notes that Tina left were not nice in the slightest. I don't know why you did it Tina. Was it because you were jealous of me? Or you just hated me after Santana's rumour in middle school? I don't know why you did it but you did. The notes were supposed to be anonymous but you always signed your name. I guess so that I would know how much you hated me. I wish I didn't have to share what you wrote but I do. Because I need you to understand how you caused me to do what I did. You wrote things like this:_

"_The world would be a better place without you, you whore"_

"_You're a selfish bitch and I wish you would die"_

"_I wish you'd succeeded when you tried to kill yourself"_

"_If you took your head out of your ass for a single second you'd realise that there are more people in the world than Rachel Berry. No one cares about you. You just think they do because you have a huge ego"_

"_Nobody loves you. Even your own mother abandoned you because she was so disappointed she was stuck with you as a daughter"_

That doesn't sound a thing like Tina. She and Rachel may not have been friends until Senior Year but Tina was always so sweet. She couldn't have written such vindictive messages. Rach you shouldn't have believed her. She was spiteful and jealous. You really were a star like I told you so many times. And I always believed it. I thought you did too.

_It didn't stop there though. You sent me spiteful messages by text too. And you took all of the nice messages out of my bag so all I was left with was your spiteful ones. Did you really want me to do this? Or were you just clouded with jealously? I don't know and I don't care really. Those messages made me feel worse about myself than I ever thought I would. And it pushed me ever closer to committing suicide._

_I wanted some help so I put a note in Miss Pillsbury's bag. The notes in her bag were things that we wanted to discuss. So I wrote a note that said: "Suicide, it's something that's been on my mind lately" and I left it in there. I guess I hoped that if we discussed it in class that someone would help me. Show me that I had other options._

_But no one did. They all said that it was probably a joke, someone looking for attention because if they were serious then they would have put their name. But Tina was the one who said the worst thing. Do you remember what you said Tina? You said "If they are selfish enough to want to kill themselves then they should just do it. No one wants someone that selfish around". That was the final straw. I broke off my friendship with you after that. You continued to torture me but I didn't care. After that day I was numb to your words Tina._

How could she do that? I know she didn't know it was Rach but why would you say that to someone who was considering suicide? I remember that class now. I didn't laugh Rach. If I'd have known it was you, I would have said something. I would have tried to help you. But I didn't know. So I couldn't help.

_We actually became friends in my senior year. You apologised to me and the torturing messages stopped. But it was short lived. After graduation we stopped talking. However in the week before my suicide I was desperately looking for someone to talk me out of it. So I called you. But you didn't pick up so I left a voicemail explaining my decision. I was expecting you to call me back but you never did. I guess you really did want me to die didn't you Tina? Because you didn't try to save me. I told you exactly what I was going to do but you didn't care enough to call me back and talk me out of it. So I guess you got what you wanted Tina. _

That's not what she wanted Rach. She was probably too shocked to call you back. No one wanted you to die Rach. Least of all me.

_So Tina, for you I want to say this. Always check before you believe rumours that aren't true and don't let jealously get the better of you. You have no idea the impact that words can have on people, even when you think they don't care. Your words can ruin people's lives if you're not careful. Last of all, suicide is not a joke. It's not a selfish act, it's a desperate one. And you should try everything in your power to make sure that it doesn't happen to one of your friends ever again even if all it takes is picking up a phone and letting someone know that you're there. Believe me; it can make all the difference in the world. _

_So that's all for you Tina. Next up is another one of my friends from Glee. Artie Abrams, this next tape goes out to you._

_[]_

Artie? I didn't think he and Rachel were really close enough for him to do something bad to her. They must have been closer when they were younger then otherwise he wouldn't be on here. Still I said I'm going to stop having expectations of these tapes and I will. If there's one thing I should know from dating Rachel Berry is that having expectations never works. Because she will always be better than you think she will. That's what made her a star.

A/N: Next chapter will be Artie's. I know you are all probably wondering when Finn's chapter will be and trust me it will be soon. Keep up with the reviews they are really great.

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	10. Reason Nine: Artie Abrams

Disclaimer: I don't own Thirteen Reasons Why or Glee. All rights go to Jay Asher and RIB.

A/N: Once again thanks to everyone who has reviewed, followed or favourited so far. Keep it up guys! This chapter is Artie's chapter.

Chapter 9: Reason Nine-Artie Abrams

I never realised until now how little I knew about Rachel. Most of the stories on these tapes are stories that I had never even heard before. I guess you never know how much you know someone until it's too late. If Rachel was still here then maybe we would have talked about these things. But there's no use in living in the past, it's not like I can change it. All I can do is keep listening to the tapes.

_Some of you may be wondering why Artie is on these tapes. Artie isn't are you? You know exactly what it is you did to me. Artie and I have known each other since we were little kids but when we started to go to school; he and I went our separate ways. He hung out with sporty kids like he was at the time and I met Quinn. But we were really good friends outside of school. In fact we used to go around each other's houses almost every single day. _

_When we got to high school and joined Glee together I assumed we would be spending more time together in school. But we didn't. We just carried on only hanging out after school or on weekends. _

_The turning point in our relationship came in freshman year. As we all know Artie is pretty handy with a camera. And he used his for a very creepy purpose._

What? What was it that Artie did with his camera?

_Yes, Artie Abrams used to sneak out of his house at night and come over to my house. And he would hide in the bushes outside my window. To take pictures of me. How disgusting and perverted is that? Our very own Artie Abrams was a Peeping Tom. _

Artie used to take pictures of Rachel? Ewww, I never knew the guy was such a creep.

_How does it feel Artie? To have your privacy stripped away? Because that's how it felt for me when you took pictures of me without my consent. I never felt safe in my own bedroom again after that. I had to close my curtains at night and I hated that. I used to like to look out of my window and see the stars at night. Because of you I was unable to do that._

I remember that. Rach used to say that she thought all the stars in the sky were the great Broadway stars of the past and that she'd be up there with them one day. I always thought she was so cute when she said that.

_But that's not where your story ends, oh no. Remember how I said on Puck's tape that after the photos of me from the party went up lots of boys in the year thought I was easy. Well you weren't quite like one of those boys but those pictures did give you confidence to tell me something. You came up to me one day and told me "I really like you Rachel. Would you like to go on a date with me sometime?" I was really shocked so I said "What?" You laughed and said "I have a crush on you Rach. Have done since we were little kids. So would you like to go out with me?"_

Woah! Artie had a crush on Rachel? I don't blame him, Rachel was a beautiful girl. I just can't believe it. Rach never seemed like Artie's type. But since she was the love of my life, I guess I am a little biased.

_I was completely shocked. I knew I didn't like you in that way plus I had a major crush on Finn at the time. I was going to let you down easy but you were now the creep who took pictures through my window rather than the guy I knew growing up. So I said "I'm not going out with a guy who takes pictures of me through my window". "Oh yeah. Well if you don't go out with me, I'll release those pictures for everyone to see. And some of them are very revealing" you said._

_I didn't want to give into blackmail but I knew there was no way I could let you release those pictures. I hadn't actually seen them but I knew it couldn't be anything good. "Okay fine. One date. One kiss. And then you leave me alone and never speak of this or the pictures again. Deal?" I say offering my hand. "Deal" you said shaking it._

You shouldn't have done that Rach. But that was just who you were. You had such a sweet and trusting nature and Artie took advantage of that. If I didn't hate him so much for taking those pictures of you then I would feel sorry for him. You're hard to forget Rach, I should know.

_So we went on the date. I actually found that I had a pretty good time. There was nothing there for me on a romantic level-we'd just been friends too long for that. But it was a nice night. Until you ruined it. As planned I gave you a good night kiss. But you tried to take it further. You unhooked my bra and touched my boob. Then you slid your hand up my skirt. I wasn't letting it go any further than that. "Artie what the hell are you doing?" I asked you. "Come on Rach we all saw the pictures. I know you like to have a little fun. And I'm willing to give it to you" you said._

What a jerk! I can't believe Artie did that to Rachel. I always thought he was better than that, that he would never try to take advantage of any girl. I guess I was wrong.

_I slapped you. Well you did deserve it Artie. That's the sort of thing I would've expected from Puck not from you. I simply ran and left you in the parking lot after that. I know I shouldn't have but I was scared. I didn't feel safe around you anymore._

I don't blame you for that Rach. I never knew that Artie was such a creep. He just doesn't seem like that kind of guy.

_Not only did you try to take advantage of me, but you decided to take revenge because I wouldn't sleep with you. The only reason I said no was because I didn't want to lead you on. It wasn't meant to be anything personal Artie. But you made it personal. You said you would never release those photos if I went on that date with you. But you didn't keep your promise did you Artie? The day after we went on that date, the pictures of me were all over the McKinley Website. All because I refused to sleep with you. I didn't deserve that Artie._

_This is where your story ends Artie. My message to you is this: when a girl says no, she means no. Taking advantage of a girl can ruin her life. It did mine and it could for other girls too. I know you only took pictures of me because you had a crush on me, but it's not right to take pictures without that person's consent. Especially pictures so personal to me. And it was all just for petty revenge. Not all girls are going to like you Artie and you can't be vengeful all the time. I still believe you are a good person Artie. And you will find a girl one day who believes that and loves you too. It just wasn't me. And I wish you could have seen that before you even took those pictures. Because we could have avoided all of this. _

_The next tape is for the love of my life. Finn, honey this next tape is yours._

_[]_

Oh my goodness. This next tape is mine. I can't believe it's finally me. It almost seemed like a dream that I was on here because it had taken so long. I was beginning to worry that I was "lucky thirteen". At least now I will finally know what I've done. The waiting is over.

A/N: I told you Finn's chapter would be coming soon and it will be the next chapter. Keep going with the reviews, they are really helping me to write.

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	11. Reason Ten: Finn Hudson

Disclaimer: I don't own Thirteen Reasons Why or Glee. All rights go to Jay Asher and RIB.

A/N: As always thanks to everyone who has reviewed, followed and favourited so far. I can't believe this story has made it to 50 reviews- keep it up! This chapter is Finn's chapter and is written in memory of Cory Monteith. May he rest in peace.

Chapter 10: Reason Ten-Finn Hudson

I am just about to slide my tape into the slot in the tape player when I hear a voice calling my name from across the Breadstix parking lot. I walk to see where the voice is coming from and to my surprise it's Kurt. "Kurt what are you doing here?" I ask. "Get in the car Finn" he says. "I'm kinda busy" I say hesitating. I don't want to have to get in the car with Kurt otherwise I'll never finish the tapes. "Yeah I know. Just get in the car please" he says. I grudgingly open the door and get in.

"You're the tenth person I've had to follow Finn" he says. "Follow? What do you mean?" I ask him. "Rachel wasn't lying. There's a second set of tapes. I have them" he says. "You have them? Why did she pick you?" I ask. "She just said that I was her best friend and the only person who wasn't on the tapes that she could trust with them. Well she didn't actually tell me, it was all in the letter she left. If I'd known what they were before she died then I would've stopped her" he says. "I guess that makes sense" I say. "Which tape are you on?" he asks. "Mine" I say. "It's not as bad as you think Finn, honestly. Just listen to it. Listen to it and you'll understand" he says. I nod and slide the tape into the player.

_I never thought we'd have a last kiss_

_Never imagined we'd end like this_

_Your name, forever the name on my lips_

_(Taylor Swift-Last Kiss)_

_This tape is not about blame. Finn baby, I don't blame you for any part of my suicide. You were my salvation in times when I really thought I was about to drown. You were the one person who I always felt truly cared about me._

Of course I did Rach. You were the love of my life. Still are. I'm never going to find another girl like you, not in a million years. You were one of a kind, Rachel Berry.

_I don't want you to blame yourself Finn. I know you will because you're such a sweet, generous, kind hearted person and you want to do your best to help everybody. I'm sorry that I was beyond your help. Believe me I wish things could have turned out differently for me. You were the one thing that kept me here for as long as I was. If it wasn't for you, I would never have made it to New York. I would have died in Junior Year. You saved my life once Finn, I know you're thinking that you could have saved my life a second time but you couldn't Finny._

I could have Rach. If you'd let me I could have. And then we would have been together now, I know we would.

_The only reason you are on here Finn, is because I felt you deserved an explanation. I didn't want to die without telling you why. You deserve that much. The only thing you ever did wrong was sleep with Santana and not tell me. And I understand why you did it. You didn't want to hurt me. And you never did. You made me feel like I was the most special person in the world even when I felt like I was buried under a pile of crap. I know that our break up was my fault. I should never have slept with Puck. And I am truly sorry for hurting you like that. I know what it feels like to be cheated on and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone much less the love of my life._

If I was the love of your life Rach then why couldn't you have stuck around for me? Why did you just let go? We should have been together forever.

_I don't blame you for going back to Quinn either. It hurt me to see you two together but I cheated on you. I deserved the pain. You didn't._

No you didn't deserve the pain Rachel. I was stupid and heartbroken and Quinn was well…. there. There to pick up the pieces of my broken heart. But the only thing that truly healed it was getting back together with you. And now you've broken it again. With you gone it's like half my heart is missing Rach. The half that will always belong to you.

_I loved you from the moment I first saw you Finn. And you made my senior year the happiest year of my life. You made me feel special and loved. I didn't just love you Finn, I loved the way you loved me. When we made love for the first time, I felt complete. Like I had only been a half but now I was whole. You were always my other half Finn. My soulmate. Your proposal to me was the most special moment of our life. I was devastated when Quinn stopped our wedding. _

So was I Rach. So was I. I wanted to marry you so badly. Now it's too late.

_You helped me get back up so many times when I thought I never would. Especially after my choked NYADA audition. When you let me go at that train station it felt like my heart was being shredded into little tiny pieces._

So was mine Rach. If I'd have known what you were going to do when you got to New York, I would have changed my mind and driven to the church that day. Heck I should have changed my mind and driven to the church. Then we'd be married and in New York together. And you'd be alive.

_But looking back now, that was the most selfless thing anyone ever did for me. You loved me so much you were willing to sacrifice your happiness for my dreams. I know I didn't seem it at the time but I really am grateful Finn. And I truly wish we'd been able to find our way back to each other. It's not your fault that we didn't. That honour belongs to the remaining people on these tapes._

Your happiness always meant the most to me Rachel. I never cared about anything else as much as your happiness. I would never have sent you to New York if I didn't think it would make you happy.

_I should never have broken up with you Finn. You were the one, the only guy for me but my judgement was clouded by my attraction to Brody. I really don't know what I saw in that guy. You are a far better guy than he could ever hope to be. _

Why did you do it then Rach? If you knew he was bad for you then why did you crush my heart into a million pieces for him?

_The night at the wedding was amazing Finn. Knowing now that it was our last night together makes the memory bittersweet but all the more amazing. It confirmed what I already knew. You were the one. If the events of tape number 12 had never happened then we would have got back together. I know we would. _

That night will always be one of my most treasured memories. Knowing it was our last night together makes it sad but all the more special.

_I wanted to thank you for beating up Brody for me. It's probably the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me. But that was always you Finn. Like I said before, I don't just love you, I love the way you love me. Don't feel guilty about this Finn because none of this is your fault. All you ever did was make me feel loved. In Senior Year when I was on the verge of giving up, you showed me just how much I had to live for._

If you had so much to live for then why did you kill yourself Rach? You should've have come back. Back to me. I would've given you a reason to live again.

_Finn I don't want my death to stop you moving on. We will always have our love and that last night but you can't keep my death from allowing you to live your life. You deserve to have another girl who loves you._

But I will never love another girl as much as I love you Rach. You are my soulmate and you only get one of those in a lifetime. There's never going to be another you Rach. And you were the only girl for me.

_I won't lie, it makes me feel a little jealous to know that you may be with another girl after I'm gone Finn. But you have so much love to give. And you should share that with another girl. I know part of you will always love me, just as even after I die I will always love you but you can still share your love with someone else. I just want to ask you one little thing._

I can't imagine being with any other girl right now Rach. But if one day I eventually get over the pain of your death, then I will try to move on. I will never forget you though Rachel. You will always be my star. I'd do anything for you, listening to these tapes is a good example.

_If you do one day meet another girl, then tell her my story please. I understand that could be too hard for you Finn, but could you try, for me?_

Of course Rachel. If I ever do get over you and date another girl, I will tell her about my amazing star of a girlfriend that was you.

_We will be together again one day Finn. When your time comes I'll be waiting for you. I may not have made it as a broadway star but whenever you look up at the night sky and see the star next to the one you gave me for Christmas that is me. The Rachel Berry Star. Every time you see that star you can think of me. My memory can live on. With you. You can carry my memory with you. And that way, I'll be with you wherever you go._

You will always be with me Rach. You are a part of my heart.

_Finn honey this is the end of your tape. Don't waste time stressing over my death. Live your life and live it well. Share your love with another girl and make her feel as loved as you made me feel. This is my blessing to move on with your life. Never forget me though. Think about me sometimes- not all the time but just keep me in the back of the mind. So my memory can live on. You are the most special guy I've ever met so you're the perfect person to be the keeper of my memories and the only one I can trust with them. _

That's not true Rach. But thank you, I will carry your memories proudly. And I will never be able to forget you. True love never dies. I can't promise I will be able to move on but I will try. For you.

_Have lots of beautiful children. The world deserves to be blessed with more of your genes Finn. And marry a wonderful girl who will be so lucky to have you. And follow your dreams. You let me follow mine and so it's time for you to follow yours. Become a teacher- I always thought you'd be great at that. Then you can inspire kids just like you inspired me. I love you Finn Hudson, always remember that._

_I'm forever yours. Faithfully._

_The next tape is for a teacher of mine. My dance teacher to be precise. Cassandra July this tape is yours. _

_[]_

I can't promise about the marriage and kids stuff. But I will become a teacher. I want to be the next Mr Shue and inspire outcast kids to become stars like Rachel.

"She doesn't blame me?" I ask. "No she doesn't. She loved you. More than anything in the world" Kurt says. I'd been holding it together pretty well up till that point but then I just let it all out and cry onto Kurt's shoulder. "I miss her so much" I say between sobs. "I know, Finn. But she wouldn't want you to be like this. She'd want you to be out there, living your life" he says. "It hadn't really hit me until she started talking about me moving on. I can't move on. She was my world" I say. "You can Finn. It might not seem like it now but you can. Just because you go on living your life doesn't mean you love Rachel any less" Kurt says. "Will you be okay?" he asks. "Yeah, I'll be fine. I just need to get through the rest of these before I completely lose it" I say wiping my eyes. "Where do you want me to take you?" he asks.

"If it's okay, I'd just like to be alone. You've seen me now, you can trust me to listen to the rest of the tapes. I need time with my thoughts" I say. "Okay. If you need anything you call okay" he says. "I will" I say. I get out of the car and start to walk again. I end up outside Rachel's house. And I simply collapse on the front lawn, crying for what could have been, what might have been and what should have been. But mostly I'm crying for Rachel. The girl who should have been my wife. The only girl who will ever truly have my heart.

A/N: This chapter was really hard to write and I hope I did it justice. The next chapter will be Cassandra's. Keep reviewing- like I said it really helps.

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	12. Reason Eleven: Cassandra July

Disclaimer: I don't own Thirteen Reasons Why or Glee. All rights go to Jay Asher and RIB.

A/N: As always I'd like to thank everyone who has followed, favourited and reviewed. It means a lot to me that this story has support.

Chapter 11: Reason Eleven-Cassandra July

It seems like forever before I stop crying. I'm not even sure what time it is or if it's even the same day as when I started listening to these tapes. After my tape I don't want to carry on. I just want to go home and sleep and try to forget this day. But I know I can't. I know I will listen to the rest of the tapes if only to hear Rachel's last words. I pick myself up off the Berry's lawn and sit on the curb outside their house. I slide the next tape into the player and begin to listen.

_Wow, eleven tapes down and only two more to go. I'm not going to lie, these ones are probably going to be the hardest to listen to._

Harder than they already have been? I highly doubt that Rach.

_I thought New York was going to be my fresh start. A place where I would be surrounded by people exactly like me. Well not exactly like me because there is only one Rachel Berry but people who were into the same things as me. But it's true what they say. High school never ends. And the prime example of this is Cassie July. She's your classic bitchy cheerleader who picks on kids to make them feel bad. _

_If you thought Quinn Fabray was bad, Cassie July is 100 times worse. She constantly put me down, it was like she had a new insulting nickname every lesson. Her personal favourite was Schwimmer. I'd like to say you would never have called me mean nicknames, Cassandra if you'd known what I was going to do but I can't say that's true. In fact I bet you didn't even care enough to listen to all of these tapes- you probably just fast forwarded them to find out which one was yours. A teacher is supposed to encourage their pupils. Maybe you thought what you were doing was encouraging us but it certainly didn't for me. _

I'm sorry Rach, I never would have sent you to New York if I knew what it would be like there. I would have kept you here with me. Where you would have been safe.

_Just because you're jealous that most of your pupils are going make it in showbusiness and your dreams were shattered doesn't mean that you have to take it out on your unsuspecting pupils. If your mean nicknames were the only problem then you probably wouldn't be on here. But it wasn't. If it was just you insulting me, I could have dealt with it. But you put down my talent too. The one thing I had always believed in and you tried to take it away from me._

She was just jealous Rach. She knew you were a one of a kind and she couldn't handle that.

_Even worse than that, you slept with Brody. Admittedly we weren't together then but still. You knew I liked him and you took him away from me like he was yours to take. I was just using him to get over Finn but I needed that. I was lonely and I needed someone. You knew that but you wanted to hurt me so you went and slept with him anyway. Once again, I felt like I was second best. Second choice. Not good enough. And you just couldn't rub it in my face more could you? _

Yeah she really does sound like an older version of Quinn. Quinn loved to rub it in Rachel's face when we were together and it sounds like Cassie July liked to do the same thing to Rachel. You didn't deserve any of it Rachel.

_Then I got my big audition for Funny Girl. I was really nervous but I thought I'd done well and that I'd at least get a call back. But I was wrong. And why was that? Cassie knows. Don't you Cassie? My audition was after my last night with Finn at the wedding. I was pregnant then. You knew that because I had to rush out of dance class to throw up. And so you confronted me afterwards. "You're pregnant aren't you?" you said. "I don't know what you mean" I said. "Oh please. Don't try to hide it" you said. "Fine, so what?" I said. "They're not going to want a pregnant loser as Fanny Brice" you said. _

"_I'm talented enough. They can't turn me down because I'm pregnant. It would be discrimination" I said. "We'll see about that" you said and stalked off. I didn't know what you meant by that but I knew it couldn't be anything good._

What did she do to you Rach? Did she cause you to lose the baby?

_I soon found out what she meant. The very next day after my conversation with Cassandra, I got the call from the casting directors for Funny girl. They said and I quote "Your audition was very impressive Ms Berry. But I'm afraid we've decided not to call you back". I asked why not. "The role wouldn't be suitable for someone in your condition" they said. I knew right then that Cassie had talked to them. _

If you being pregnant stopped them from giving you the part then they were idiots. You had more talent than anyone I'd ever known Rachel. That was the part you were born to play. I would have loved to have seen you do it. But thanks to Cassie that just wasn't to be. I wish I could've seen you in at least one Broadway play before you died. You would've been incredible.

_So naturally I confronted her. "You told them didn't you? You wanted to stop me getting the part" I said. "They wouldn't have accepted you for the role anyway. You don't have anywhere near enough talent to play that part" is what you said. And then you just walked away. Teachers are supposed to be like Mr Shue. Make you feel confident in your own abilities. You were too jealous of your students to ever do that. So instead you just put us down and made sure we never got parts just like you. You knocked down the one thing that was helping me to stand up, my talent._

You should never have been secure about your talent Rach. You had more star quality in your entire body than that woman probably had in her little finger.

_So that's where your story ends Cassie. After I lost Finn, Broadway was what I had to live for. But you made sure that I couldn't get another audition ever. And you made me doubt my talent. That's why you're on here. You should learn to let your jealousy go. Once you do that then you might actually be a good teacher. Just because your dreams are dead doesn't mean you have to kill other people's dreams. You might find once you let your anger go that teaching is actually satisfying. Or you might just ignore my advice and keep torturing kids anyway. I really don't care. But your kids do. What you say affects people. It affected me and I'm sure it's affected other kids too. Try and be nicer and encourage them okay. Lastly, it's never too late to be a star. You're talented Cassie and once you have a better attitude casting directors will definitely cast you. Don't give up on your dreams like I did._

_The next tape is for an ex-boyfriend of mine. And he is a huge reason as to why I killed myself. Brody Weston, this tape is yours._

_[]_

That ass! I always hated Brody and I'm sure whatever he did was awful and he's probably due for another ass kicking. Is he the reason why she lost the baby? I guess I'll find out soon.

A/N: The next chapter will be Brody's-and I'm not going to lie it won't be nice because I really hate him. Keep reviewing- I'd love to make it past 60 reviews.

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	13. Reason Twelve: Brody Weston

Disclaimer: I don't own Thirteen Reasons Why or Glee. All rights go to Jay Asher and RIB.

A/N: Once again I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed, followed and favourited. This is the most reviews any story of mine has ever had, so thank you guys. This is Brody's chapter.

Chapter 12: Reason Twelve-Brody Weston

I get up and start to walk again. I can't stay outside Rachel's house forever otherwise her dads could wake up and find me outside. I struggle to decide where to go, seeing as I've been to most of mine and Rachel's hangouts already. After buying some flowers I end up at Lima Cemetery. "Hi Rach" I say when I reach her grave. It makes me want to cry when I see her grave but I guess in a way it's like Rachel will be with me when I listen to the last tapes. "I promise to do what you said on my tape. It's going to be hard but I'll try. Just remember, no matter what I'll always love you. Nothing's ever going to change that" I say before laying the flowers on her grave. I sit down next to her grave and slide the next tape into the player.

_So there's only one more tape after this one. I'd like to say it gets better but I'd be lying. The guy who this tape belongs to is one of the biggest reasons why I decided to kill myself. That's right Brody, if you hadn't done what you did I most likely would still be alive. Actually, if you hadn't done what you did I would not only be alive but I would be with Finn. And our baby. Our beautiful baby girl._

Rachel's baby was also mine? I can't believe it. I thought it would be Brody's kid. I can't believe that ass may have killed my daughter as well as being a reason that the love of my life died. He's definitely going to get another ass kicking from me. And that will just be if I'm feeling nice.

_When I met you, I thought you were nice. We had so much in common. Looking back that probably wasn't such a good thing. You made me feel better after the pain of losing Finn. And our relationship did work at first. But it was always going to be short lived because I loved Finn. Still I didn't think you'd sleep with Cassandra. That was low Brody even for you. _

I never liked him. He always seemed like a jerk. I know I'm a little biased since I was your boyfriend first but clearly he was a jerk to you if he's the reason our daughter's dead.

_But I was able to forgive you. I shouldn't have. Our relationship became more serious from then on. I even asked you to move in with me. I shouldn't have forgiven you. Because what you did after that was unforgivable._

Is this where you're going to tell me how he killed our baby? I'm not sure if I can handle hearing that Rach. But I'm going to try. For your sake.

_I went to Mr Shue's wedding alone. And yes, I did sleep with Finn. But you already know all that don't you Brody? I didn't tell you I was pregnant. I'm actually surprised it took you so long to notice. I guess you weren't that smart after all. I was 5 months pregnant before you even noticed. _

I'd say that Brody's an idiot for not noticing but I thought I got my girlfriend pregnant via hot tub so I can't really judge. I was going to be a dad. Admittedly Rachel never told me but she would have. If our daughter hadn't died she would have told me. I know she would. She would never have kept me from my daughter. But this guy did. Thanks to him, I'll never meet her. I'm going to pay Brody a visit once I'm done listening to these and I'll give him a piece of my mind.

_But you did notice eventually. I slipped up one day and wasn't wearing several layers when you came in. So you noticed my bump. "You're pregnant?!" you said. I nodded. You asked "Is it mine?". I shook my head. You asked "Who's is it?" and I said "Finn's. She's Finn's daughter". Then you got really mad. "You cheated on me!" you yelled. I started crying and saying how sorry I was. "I want to break up. I can't be with you anymore. I need to be with Finn. I love him and my daughter needs her dad" I said. "Well that makes this just about perfect" you said. Then you grabbed me. "Stop you're hurting me" I said. "I don't care" you said. That's what you said Brody, you said that you didn't care about me. Then you pushed me down the stairs of our apartment._

I start pounding the ground next to Rachel's grave. She didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve to be treated like that. She deserved to be treated like the star she was.

_You didn't even have the courtesy to cause an ambulance for me. You just left. I had to wake up in that hospital room all by myself._

You could have called me Rach. I would have come all the way to New York to be with you. No matter what our relationship status I was always going to support you.

_They told me that my beautiful baby girl had been stillborn. You caused the death of an innocent child Brody. Mine and Finn's innocent child. I was going to call him and tell him the good news that weekend. Thanks to you I never got the chance. Just like my child never got the chance to live. _

Tears started to roll down my face again. Not only had I lost the love of my life but I turns out I'd lost my daughter too. And I never even knew I was going to have one. All thanks to that ass Brody. We should have been a family. Now we never will.

_Although this tape is about you Brody, I have a message for you Finn. Enclosed in the box of tapes is another box marked with your name. _ _Those are the ashes of our daughter. I want you to have them and make sure her final resting place is in one of our special places. I didn't want it to be here in New York because it wouldn't mean anything. Her name was Stella Caroline Hudson. Remember that was the name we said our first daughter would be called because she would be our little mini star. She'll be the star in the night sky between ours. I'm so sorry we never got to meet her Finn. _

She remembered? We discussed that in Junior year- I can't believe she actually remembered. She would have been beautiful Rach. Just like you. If I ever do have another daughter, I'm going to name her Rachel. After you. So that I can carry on your memory like you said I should. I'm never going to forgive Brody for killing our daughter. Never ever.

_I shouldn't have taken you back after that. And I didn't at first. I couldn't forgive you for taking away my daughter. I was so depressed after Stella died that I would cry night after night. But you weaselled your way back in like you always do. You took advantage of my depressed state and comforted me. And fooled me into believing you actually cared. Worse still, you fooled me into giving you a second chance. _

Why Rachel? Why would you give that snake a second chance? He killed our baby girl. That's inexcusable and you took him back. Why?

_But then I found out about your little side job. What was I? Just some piece of fun before you could get to your paying customers. You thought so little of me that you had to have women on the side. Worse still they paid you. I couldn't have that. I couldn't have a guy who sold himself. And respected me so little that he would sleep with other women. And I thought that was it. That we were over and that I would only have to see you in class._

But I'm guessing that didn't happen. Every time Rachel thinks she's seen the last of someone they always come back. I'm sure this bastard is no exception.

_But you had other ideas. Didn't you Brody? You came back to torture me one last time. I was sleeping when you crept in the window. "Brody what the hell are you doing here?" I asked. You covered my mouth with your hand. "I realised I didn't properly say goodbye" you said. I thought you were just going to say goodbye and leave and that would be it. I was wrong. Do you remember what happened that night Brody? Do you remember me screaming for help as you raped me? That's right. Brody Weston came into my room in the middle of the night after we were broken up and he raped me. _

He did what?! There's no way he should be allowed to get away with that. I was right, he was a complete scumbag. I'm sorry Rach. I'm sorry I didn't kick his ass so hard that he wasn't able to hurt you. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help.

_And that is what pushed me over the edge. I never saw Brody again after that and I never told anyone what he did because it was too painful but after that I never felt the same again. I felt dirty and used. Without my baby I had nothing left to live for. Except Finn._

So why didn't you? Why didn't you live for me? I could have made you happy again Rach, I know it. And I would have kicked that jerk's sorry ass all the way to prison.

_So that is where your story ends Brody. I hope you're happy. Your last night of fun caused me a world of pain. You're a liar, a rapist and a murderer and I hope you rot in hell. You shouldn't have let your jealousy of Finn get the better of you. There's someone for everyone and I'm sure there's even a girl out there for a bastard like you. It just wasn't me. And me and my daughter didn't deserve to be punished for that. I know I shouldn't have taken advantage of you to get over Finn but what you did was far worse. I hope you're happy Brody. Because I'm definitely not. _

_So there's only one last tape now. The final tape. Lucky number thirteen. And lucky number thirteen is another teacher. This tape is for my old guidance counsellor. Emma Pillsbury you are lucky number thirteen._

_[]_

What on earth could Miss Pillsbury have done that was worse than this? This was by far the worst tape out of all of them. I'm not sad now I'm just angry. Angry that my daughter is in a box instead of in my arms like she should me. That the love of my life is in the ground rather than by my side. I punch the ground in anger. My hand hits a piece of glass and blood starts flowing from my hand but I don't care. The pain from the cut is nowhere near as bad as the pain in my heart.

A/N: I can't believe this story is almost over. Only one more chapter and an epilogue and then it's done. The final chapter will be Emma's. Thank you guys for all the reviews- this story is my most reviewed story ever, so keep that up.

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	14. Reason Thirteen: Emma Pillsbury

Disclaimer: I don't own Thirteen Reasons Why or Glee. All rights go to Jay Asher and RIB.

A/N: So this is the last chapter of the story, though there will be an epilogue. I'm sad that this story is almost over as it has been one of my favourites to write. Keep up the reviews, follows and favourites. This is Emma's chapter.

Chapter 13: Reason Thirteen-Emma Pillsbury

This is it. This is the last tape and the last time that I'll ever hear Rachel's voice. Her beautiful voice. I'm not sure if I can do this after that last tape. I just found out that my daughter- one I didn't even know I had- is dead and I still have to listen to one more of these. But I have to. This is the last time I'm ever going to hear her voice. And I have to hear it- just one more time. I slide the last tape into the player and hit the play button for the last time.

_I didn't actually make the decision to do this after Brody. I know it would seem that way but all I wanted was for someone to give me a reason to live. Stella was supposed to be my reason but then Brody took her away so I didn't have that. _

Me, Rachel. Was I not reason enough for you? I understand why you did what you did after all the terrible things you went through, but I could have helped you. All you needed to do was ask.

_I tried with Santana but as you will remember from her tape, she wasn't much help either. So I had to look for other options. It may not seem like it but I really didn't want to die._

Then why did you try all the options except the one that might have worked? Me. I would have given you a reason to live Rach. Us together,that should have been a reason to live.

_So the week before I died, I came back to Lima._

Why didn't you come and see me then? I would have wanted to see you. Just one more time.

_This was my last chance at life. I'd tried working at this by myself and I just couldn't do it. Every time I was happy, someone came and knocked me down again. So I tried to get help. I went to the only person I knew who could help me out._

Then you should have come to me Rachel. I would have helped you. You know I would.

_I went to you Miss Pillsbury. You are a guidance counsellor after all and I was desperately in need of some guidance. But obviously you failed. Because if you hadn't then these tapes would never have existed. I would be back with Finn and we would be happy together. Sadly, that's not the way things have worked out._

What happened Rachel? What did she tell you that made you do this? Why couldn't you just come back to me? Why did you have to do this to me? Why did you have to break my heart? My hand brushes against the glass again and I feel yet more blood flowing down my arm. I don't care though. I can't imagine any pain worse than the pain of knowing that this is the last time I'll ever hear Rachel's voice.

I hear Rachel knock on the door on the tape. This is it. This is what pushed her over the edge. This is the final conversation that made Rachel want to do what she did. What could Miss Pillsbury have said?

_-__**Come in Rachel and take a seat**_

_-Thanks Miss Pillsbury_

_-__**I was surprised when you called and said you wanted to meet with me.**_

_-Well I guess I need some guidance._

_**-Do they not have guidance counsellors at NYADA?**_

_-They do but I wanted to talk to someone who knows me better._

_**-Well how can I help you Rachel?**_

You could give her a reason not to die. But you didn't do that. Or I wouldn't be staring at her grave. I see an empty bottle on the ground and I throw it at the nearest tree. I'm only 19. I shouldn't have lost the love of my life now. Rachel should still be here. We were supposed to get married and have kids and be together forever. All Miss Pillsbury needed to do was remind her how much she had to live for and she couldn't even do that. I don't want to cry anymore. Instead I scream. So loud that probably everyone in a five block radius can hear. But I don't care. And for a second it makes me feel better. But then I look back at Rachel's grave and realise I'm probably never going to be happy again. Because I can't have her.

_-I've just been having a hard time recently._

_**-With what?**_

_-Everything. School, life._

_**-Well let's start with school. What's the problem there?**_

_-It's just a lot harder than I expected._

She doesn't want to talk about school Miss Pillsbury. She wants to talk to you about life. Her life. She wants you to tell her not to kill herself. Why can't you see that?

_**-I see, well have you talked to your teachers about it? They might be able to help.**_

_-No._

_**-Well try that.**_

_-With all due respect Miss Pillsbury I didn't come here to talk about school. It's the life part that's the bigger problem._

_**-Okay well let's talk about your life then.**_

_-I don't really know where to start. There's a lot to tell and I'm not exactly sure how to tell it._

_**-How exactly are you feeling today?**_

_-Empty. I feel empty. _

_**-Why exactly is that?**_

_-Why?! Because my daughter is dead, I screwed things up royally with Finn and my ex-boyfriend raped me. I don't care about anything anymore. Not even Broadway._

_**-Your daughter?**_

_-Mine and Finn's. We slept together at you and Mr Shue's well almost wedding. She was a stillborn. My boyfriend pushed me down the stairs._

_**-I'm sorry Rachel. **_

She doesn't need you to be sorry for her, she needs you to help her. She needs you to stop her doing what she's going to do.

_-Yeah well so was I. _

_**-Do you have anyone your own age you can talk to? Maybe Kurt?**_

_-If I could talk to anyone else then I wouldn't be here talking to you would I?_

_**-No I suppose not.**_

_-It was really hard for me to set up this meeting_

_**-I've been relatively free this week Rachel.**_

_-Not hard to schedule, hard to come to. The only time I've got out of bed is for class since Stella died._

_**-Stella?**_

_-That's what I called her. It means star. She was going to be my little star._

I hear Rachel start to cry and even though it's only on a tape and I know she's not here I feel like she's with me. Like she's crying into my arms and I'm just holding her and making her feel better. I wish she was here right now. Ironically, she'd be the only one who could possibly make me feel better.

_**-That's sweet.**_

_-But she's gone. She's gone and it feels like half my heart is missing._

_**-Maybe you should talk to Finn about this. He'll be the only other one who'll understand what you're going through.**_

_-Except he won't. I lost the baby before I had the chance to tell him._

_**-There are group counselling sessions for women in your situation Rachel.**_

_-I can't talk about her. It hurts too much._

_**-Until you talk about it, you're never going to get over it.**_

_-I'll never get over it anyway. My daughter's dead. Nothing's going to change that._

Change the subject. She clearly doesn't want to talk about this. Talk about something else Miss Pillsbury.

_**-What made you reach this point Rachel?**_

_-That would take far too long- 19 years worth of pain can't be dealt with in an hour. It's just all one thing on top of another._

_**-Like the snowball effect?**_

_-Yeah sort of like that. _

_**-So how can I help you?**_

_-I don't know. I just want it to stop._

_**-What to stop?**_

_-Everything. Life._

_**-Life? Do you realize what you just said Rachel?**_

She knows what she said Miss Pillsbury. She wants you to notice and help her.

_**-You said you wanted life to stop. Do you mean you want to kill yourself?**_

_**-Is that what you meant to say Rachel? That's a very serious thing to say.**_

_-I know. I'm so sorry._

Stop apologizing Rachel. Just ask for her help. Talk to her.

_**-I know you said it was the snowball effect but is there one specific thing that really triggered your feelings?**_

_-My ex-boyfriend, he r-r-r-raped me_

_**-Here have some tissues**_

_-Thanks._

Stop with the small talk, just help her already!

_**-Have you reported the rape?**_

_-No. I can't. If I report him then I'll have to speak at his trial. And I can't go through that. I just never want to see him again._

_**-Isn't that a little hard since you're at the same school?**_

_-He's an upperclassman. We don't have any classes together so not really._

_**-So you're not going to press charges?**_

_-No. _

_**-Well then what are your options here Rachel?**_

_-I don't know. I was hoping that you would tell me._

_**-Well you can either confront him or just move on. **_

_-Move on? How am I supposed to move on when the guy who is responsible for the death of my baby is at the same school as me._

_**-He killed your baby?**_

_-He's the one who pushed me down the stairs like I said before. But how am I supposed to move on?_

_**-Well Rachel if you won't press charges and you won't confront him, moving on is your only option. **_

_-So I'd just do nothing at all? Pretend like I don't want to scream every time I see him?_

_**-It's just an option Rachel. If you won't press charges and you don't want to confront him then you need to try to move on.**_

_-I don't think I can._

_**-What year is he in Rachel?**_

_-He's a senior._

_**-So you won't have to see him next year.**_

_-You think I should just move on?_

It's not a question Miss Pillsbury. She's thinking out loud. She can't move on. Tell her that you'll help her.

_**-I think that would be best, Rachel.**_

_-Thank you Miss Pillsbury_

No! Don't let her walk out of there Miss Pillsbury. Help her in any way you can.

_**-Rachel wait. You don't have to go. **_

No! You can't let her go.

_-I think I'm done here. You've given me all I need to hear. _

_**-I think there's more we can talk about Rachel.**_

_-Nope you've told me all I need to hear. I just need to move on and get over it. Thanks Miss Pillsbury. You just made my decision a lot easier._

_**-Not get over it exactly Rachel. Sometimes your only option is just to move on.**_

She got raped it's not like that's something you can move on from easily Miss Pillsbury. And you're supposed to be a guidance counsellor. How can you call yourself a guidance counsellor when you can't give a suicidal girl the right advice? Don't let her go. Keep her there and make her talk.

_**-Rachel why are you in such a hurry to go?**_

_-I have things to do. If there's nothing I can do about this then I'll just have to get on with it. No point putting it off any longer. There's nothing left for me anymore. _

_**-What are you talking about Rachel?**_

_-My life Miss Pillsbury. _

_**-Rachel wait. **_

_I'm running down the hall. Her door closed behind me and she's not coming out. She's not going to help me. She's going to let me go. No one wants to stop me. _

That's because most of us didn't know. You never told us. None of us wanted you to die Rachel. Least of all me.

_So that's it. That's the last reason why I killed myself. Because someone who was supposed to guide me didn't help me. She just pushed me further towards the end of my life. When a suicidal person comes to talk to you about why they wants to kill themselves, telling them to move on just isn't good enough. Try to really understand. And most importantly give them a reason to live. That's all I needed. And you couldn't give it to me. I'm sorry about that because you're a nice person and if it was anything else you wouldn't be on here. But you couldn't help me when I needed you most. If someone else like me ever comes into your office again don't let them walk away. Keep them there until you can figure something out. I don't want anyone else to end up like me. You did nothing for me and that's why you are lucky number thirteen and deserve to take these tapes straight to hell. So next time I cut, I'm just going to dig a little deeper. Thanks. For not helping me. _

_So that's it. That is why I decided to end my life. I wish it hadn't come to this, I really do. But it has so these are my very last words to each of you. _

_Mom, make sure you do better second time around._

_Jesse, girls don't deserve to be treated the way you treated me._

_Quinn, don't give up on your friends_

_Santana, tell people how you really feel._

_Brittany, rumours can ruin people's lives. _

_Noah, admit that you like Quinn. You guys could be good together._

_Mercedes, don't ignore your friends & don't take things that aren't yours_

_Tina, don't let jealously get the better of you_

_Artie, don't take advantage of girls._

_Cassie, go after your dreams_

_Brody, go to hell_

_Emma, give proper guidance._

_Finn, you're the only one who's ever made me feel loved. You have such a great heart and thank you for sharing it with me. You will always be my one and only love. My best friend and the greatest guy I've ever known. I love you._

_[]_

Rachel's last words for me were I love you. Heck, her last words ever were I love you to me. I collapse next to Rachel's grave and cry again. She was the love of my life and it's only just hitting me that she's really gone. I lean over and place my lips where I think hers would be. Then I kiss her (well the ground but it's like I'm kissing her). "I love you too Rach" I say. My mouth is covered with dirt but it was worth it. Then I simply put the tapes into my bag and curl up to sleep next to Rachel for the last time.

A/N: So that's the last chapter of this story done. There will be an epilogue after this with the reactions of the others on the tapes and the aftermath of listening to the tapes for Finn.

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	15. Epilogue

Disclaimer: I don't own Thirteen Reasons why or Glee. All rights go to Jay Asher and RIB.

A/N: I want to thank everyone who has reviewed this story- it means a lot to me that you guys have enjoyed this. As I said last chapter this epilogue will contain the reactions of the others on the tapes and the aftermath of the tapes for Finn.

Chapter 14: Epilogue

_The day after listening to the tapes_

I'm not quite sure where I am when I wake up. Then I remember. The tapes. Rachel's grave. I'm glad that I don't have to see the people on the tapes every day anymore- heck when I next see someone from Glee who was on the tapes I'm not even sure what I would say to them. I am about to leave the cemetery when I remember something Rachel once told me about visiting Jewish graves. She said that when she and her dads went to visit her grandma's grave that they would leave a stone at the grave to show they'd been there. I look around and find one near to one of the gravestones. I place the stone next to her headstone and whisper "Bye Rach" before leaving the cemetery.

When I get home I rewrap the package of tapes and look up Cassandra July's address before putting it on the package. Then I take the package and post it. Maybe I should have waited another day to send it- let this woman have one more day of being normal. But I figure after what she did for Rachel, she doesn't deserve it.

Then I walk to Kibby Corners Park. Rachel said I should put Stella's ashes some place that was special to us and Kibby Corners was one of our favourite places- I loved it because it made Rachel so happy and Rachel loved it because she loved the swings. I figure that makes it the perfect place for Stella. I dig a hole for her ashes under an oak tree. I was going to spread them but I decided against it because I wanted a place to come and see her whenever I missed her like I can go to Rachel's grave whenever I miss her. I place the box in the hole and cover it over. "I wish I'd been able to meet you Stella. Just so you know Daddy loves you. And he's going to give the man who killed you exactly what he deserves". I notice that in the packaging there is one more thing. A stone with "Stella Caroline Hudson. Mommy and Daddy's little star" engraved on it. I smile as I know that Rachel must have done this for our daughter. I place the stone on her grave and walk away. I cry softly as I walk away. I'm never going to be able to meet her. My last connection to Rachel is also gone.

_The week after listening to the tapes_

I made a promise to my daughter and to Rachel that I would make sure Brody paid for what he did. And today I am going to do just that. There's no way he will get away with raping Rachel and killing my daughter. No way. So here I am in New York. About to give Brody a piece of my mind. I find his apartment and knock on the door. When he opens it Brody tries to slam the door in my face but I put my foot against the door and shove him backwards. "Just came for a little chat Brody" I say. He looks scared. Perfect. "Look I know why you're here. You got the tapes" he says. "Too right I got the tapes. What about stay away from Rachel did you not understand?" I say throwing a punch at his face. He falls to the floor. "She got what she deserved" he says snarling. "I thought you loved her?" I ask. "I did. Too bad that slut loved you more" he says. "Don't you dare call her that" I say kicking him. "Rachel was a star. And our baby would have been too if you hadn't killed her first" I say. "What are you going to do about it?" he asks. "Glad you asked. In about 10 minutes time the police are going to show up, arrest you for rape and murder. Then you'll go to trial, be found guilty and sent to jail for the rest of your life" I say. "You have no proof. Rachel's dead" he says. "Ah but I do. My stepbrother Kurt is the keeper of Rachel's second set of tapes. He gave me yours. I handed it over to the NYPD. And if you'll recall on that tape Rachel says that you raped her and killed our daughter. I think that's evidence" I say. I hear the sirens of the police car pull up outside Brody's apartment and a few minutes later the knock on the door. "I think you'd better get that" I say. He opens the door and two officers are standing outside. "What can I do for you today?" he asks. "Brody Weston you are under arrest on suspicion of rape and murder of an unborn child. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law" the officer says and handcuffs Brody. They shove him in the police car and drive away. I smile when I realise that my first problem is over. Now onto Jesse St James.

It takes me a while to get from Brody's apartment to Jesse's- it's lucky they live in the same state. I don't even bother to knock on the door this time. I just kick it in. "Oi St Jackass!" I yell into the room which is completely dark. "What the hell?" I hear Jesse say and the lights flicker on. "Hudson, what are you doing here?" he asks. "You think you can beat up my girlfriend and get away with it?" I ask.

"Look just let me have it. I've already had a visit from your friend Puckerman" he gestures to his black eye. "May as well give you a matching set then" I say and punch him in his other eye. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't call the cops and report you for assault" I say. "Because you're technically assaulting me right now and because I loved her too you know. I might not have shown it as much as you did but I did. I guess I beat her because I knew she always wanted to be with you rather than me. I really am sorry though. I never thought she'd do what she did" he says. I almost believe him. But then I throw another punch into his stomach. "If you loved her you never would have done that" I say and slam the door on the way out.

I fly back home after that. Being in New York makes me sad. I always imagined me and Rach being together here and it reminds me of the future I might have had, could have had and never will have. I am at the airport when I notice Rachel's mom and Beth at the check-in. I walk away hoping she won't notice me but she sees me and calls my name. I walk over not knowing what else to do. "Hi, Shelby" I say. "Hey Finn, what are you doing in New York?" she asks. "Taking care of some things" I say. "By things you mean Brody and Jesse" she says. "How'd you know?" I ask. "I got the tapes too remember" she says.

"Oh right. So why are you going to Ohio?" I ask her. "I'm taking Beth to see Noah and Quinn, they're back from college for the weekend. I also wanted to see her grave" Shelby says clearly referencing Rachel. "You can say her name" I say. "No I can't. It hurts too much. I didn't deserve to have a daughter like her. She was such a kind hearted person and I was so selfish to keep coming back and hurting her" she says. "I'm not going to argue with you" I say. "Thank you Finn" she says. "For what?" I ask. "For looking after my baby when I couldn't" she says. "It was my pleasure. She was the most amazing girl I ever met" I say. "Bye Finn" she says as the lady at the check in hands her the tickets. "Wait Shelby" I say and she turns around. "If you need anyone to talk to you can always talk to me. I get what you're going through" I say. "Thank you Finn" she says and she walks away.

_2 months after listening to the tapes_

It's the two month anniversary of Rachel's death and after visiting her grave, I go back to McKinley. I didn't want to but Mr Shue persuaded me that going back to helping in Glee will help me start to move on. I'll admit that I have missed these kids. So I go to Glee practice. During it I can't stop staring at Artie, Tina and Brittany. It's like I look at them in a whole different way now I know what they did to Rachel. I don't see Artie, I see the guy who tried to take advantage of my girlfriend. I don't see Brittany, I see the girl who spread a rumour that Rachel was gay and caused her to be run over. And I don't see Tina, I see a girl who left threatening messages for Rachel. I barely get through practice.

Afterwards Brittany comes up to talk to me. "I'm sorry about Rachel Finn" she says. "Why didn't you tell anyone what she was doing to herself?" I ask her. "I thought her cat was scratching her" she says. I would laugh but it's not really very funny. "Rachel doesn't have a cat, Brittany" I say. "Really? I always thought she did. Still I'm really sorry" she says before walking away. It's impossible to really be angry with Brittany, she doesn't even really know what she did herself. "Thanks, Britt" I say and hug her.

I'm leaving when I run into Artie and Tina. "Are you okay Finn?" Artie asks me. "Do I look okay?" I ask. "It's the 2 month anniversary today isn't it?" he says. "No" Artie says. "Then I guess I'm not" I say. "How could you do that to her? I thought you liked Rachel?" I ask him. "I did. That's the problem. I had this massive crush on her ever since we were kids. And I dealt with it completely the wrong way. I was a jerk when I was fifteen. I'm not anymore. And if I could tell Rachel I was sorry myself I would. Do you forgive me?" he asks. "It's not my place to forgive anyone. Rachel was the one you hurt. And she can't forgive you can she?" I ask.

"No. She can't. Believe me when I say I feel really terrible though" he says. "I do" I say. "And you? What's your excuse?" I ask Tina. "I was jealous. Rachel was always pretty in a kind of interesting way and so talented. And I knew I was never going to measure up. So I made her feel bad to make me feel good. I wanted to stop but I liked the feeling it gave me. I should never have done it. Rachel never did anything to me. I wish I could take it back but I can't. Just know I truly regret it. And I'm going to make it up to her" she says. "How? She's dead" I say. "We're getting all the old Directions together to perform a memorial concert for Rachel next week" she says. "That's a sweet idea. Rachel would have loved it" I say. "Please say you'll come?" she asks. "I wouldn't miss it for the world" I say.

_4 months after listening to the tapes_

It's been 4 months since I heard the tapes. I'm finally getting my life together. I'm getting an education degree at OSU and chasing my dream of being a teacher just like Rachel said I should. For the first time in months I feel somewhat happy. Then one day I run into Puck. "What the hell are you doing here Puck?" I ask him. "I'm getting my degree. I'm going to major in Film and become a screenplay writer" he says. I punch him in the face. "What the hell was that for dude?" I ask. "You took advantage of Rachel. The one girl you always said you would respect. And you cheated on her and took advantage of her" I say. "I know. I was an ass in freshman year. All I could think about was getting into Rachel's pants and then Quinn's. She was a great girl, she didn't deserve to be treated like that. Why do you think I went to beat that ass Brody up? Because he did what I did. Only worse. I'm never going to make it up to her now am I?" he asks.

"No you're not" I say. "I really miss her" he says. "Me too" I say. "Is there anything I can do? I feel like helping you might in some way make up for how bad I was to Rachel" he says. "You can help me study for my exam tomorrow" I suggest. "Sure, bro" he says and we spend the rest of the evening studying and talking about our favourite Rachel memories.

I am at Rachel's grave leaving another stone when I see Quinn Fabray there talking to Rachel. "I'm so sorry Rach. I wish I'd been nicer to you. You were so great to me and I always cared more about my popularity than you. I didn't stop and just see what an amazing girl you were. I never should have given Shelby to Beth, I didn't think about how much it would hurt you. I wish I could have done more than just one good thing for you. I should never have ignored you when we went off to college. Just know that you were the best friend I ever had Rach" she says and begins to cry. I tap her on the shoulder.

"Oh Finn. I didn't see you there" she says. "That was very sweet" I say. "It's not enough. I should have said it when she was here. And then she wouldn't be there right now. You were the only one who saw how special she was" she says. I hug her but as I look down and see Quinn all I can think of is how much I wish she was Rachel.

I see Mercedes when she comes to help the kids for Regionals. We barely talk in front of the kids and it's only after practice that we even say a word to each other. "What did you say to her? That was so bad?" I ask her. "I told her that I was sick of being told no when no one could ever say no to spoilt little miss perfect Rachel Berry even when I was better and more talented than she ever would be" she says. "Mercedes, that's terrible" I say. "Is it? Is it more terrible than me being passed over every single solo for Rachel? Even when I deserve it more. I just put her in her place. Somebody had to" she says. "No one deserves that. No one deserves to be ignored when they need help and hurt just because you're jealous" I say. "Really? Then how come I was ignored for years because of her? I took her song because I deserved the spotlight for once. And ignored her because she always ignored me. I'm not glad she's gone but I stand by what I did" she says and walks off. I can't believe I ever thought that Mercedes was Rachel's friend.

_6 months after listening to the tapes_

I'm back in New York but this time because Santana called and said she wanted to show me something. I meet her at the building she told me to. "So San, what am I doing here?" I ask her. "This. I wanted to show you this" she says. "What is this?" I ask. "Look up" she says. "Rachel Berry Memorial Dance Studio" I read from the sign on the building. "I don't get this. Who owns this building?" I ask. "I do. I bought it with the money my mom gave me for New York. I'm going to be a dance teacher here and it's named in memory of Rachel because even though she's not here I wanted to show her how much I cared. She really did turn out to be one of my best friends" San says. "This is amazing San" I say hugging her. "Do you think Rachel would have liked it?" she asks. "You kidding? A dance studio named after her? She would have loved it" I say. "Good because that was the idea" she says. "Are you going to show me around or what?" I ask. "Absolutely" she says.

I see Funny Girl advertised whilst I'm in New York so I decide to get tickets and go in memory of Rachel. I can't count how many times I had to sit through this movie with Rachel so seeing it one more time won't kill me. I see the actress who is playing Fanny Brice on stage and it looks like….it can't be, Cassandra July- Rachel described her to me and it does look like her. "Are you Cassandra July?" I ask. "Yeah who I are you?" she asks. "Rachel Berry was my girlfriend" I say. "You come to nail me as well?" she asks. "No I just came to see the show. I had no idea you were in it" I say. "Yeah well, I'm just following my dreams. Like Rachel said" she says. "You listened?" I ask. "Yeah. She was talented that girl. That's why I pushed her so hard" she says. "She didn't know that" I say. "Then she was clearly in the wrong business. If you can't take being pushed you're never going to go anywhere" Cassandra says. "Well I look forward to seeing the show" I say changing the subject. "It should be a good one" she agrees and we go our separate ways.

The last person off the tapes I see is Emma Pillsbury. Well Emma Schuester now that she's married Mr Shue. I run into her in the grocery store in Lima on one of my weekends back from college. "How have you been doing Finn?" she asks me. "Better than Rachel. If you'd have helped her she'd still be here" I say. "You think that doesn't tear me apart?" she asks me. "You clearly didn't care enough or you would have helped her" I say. "I gave her the options, she didn't take them" she says. "There are always other options" I say. "Not always" she says. "You just did nothing. How you can call yourself a guidance counsellor?" I ask. "There wasn't anything I could do" she says. "There's always something" I say before walking away. "Finn wait" she calls after me but I ignore her. Just like she ignored Rachel.

_1 year after listening to the tapes_

It's been a year since Rachel died. I'm well into my first year of my education degree and I'm still in mourning for her. I visit her grave every weekend. I've made some friends at college, even some girl friends but no one that I've loved as much as Rachel. I'll never love someone as much as Rachel.

I'm walking to one of my classes when I hear a girl call my name. "Hi, can I help you?" I ask. "I'm looking for music ed class, someone told me you took that. I'm new" she says. "What's your name?" I ask. "Megan" she says. "Well music ed class is this way" I say pointing down the corridor. "Are you okay? You look a little upset" she asks. "I'm fine" I say and start to walk. "No you're not. I can see it in your eyes. What's wrong?" she asks. We sit down against a wall and I do as Rachel asked me. I tell her Rachel's story just like she asked me to.

"Well I don't know about being your girlfriend but I'll settle for beign your friend. At least for now. It sounds like you need some support right now" Megan says. "Thank you" I say. "She sounds like she was an incredible girl" she says. "She was. She was the brightest star ever. And the love of my life" I say. "There's no way I can ever take the place of that. Seriously though can you walk me to class" she says. "Sure" I say laughing and I walk her to class.

I look up and I swear I can see Rachel smiling down on me. Megan seems cool and maybe we will end up dating one day but only when I'm ready. And even then Rachel will always be the most special girl in the world to me. She was my first great love and true love never dies. It stays with you no matter where you go.

A/N: So that's it. That's this story done. I'm glad you guys seem to have enjoyed it so much and I will be writing another Finchel story based on the Parent Trap very soon.

Review?


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